The Remittance Man's Moved

RM HAS MOVED

2008-09-14T15:02:00.003Z

Yep, while the ASBO was amusing and a bit of a bloggie battlehonour, it was discouraging some readers (and you know how I am about my traffic stats)

Anyway, as of today all posting will be done here. I've tried to keep everything looking the same so it shouldn' tprove too alarming for anybody. The old archives will remain here, and I shall be putting links to them on the new site.

For those who wish to change links etc (please) here's the address

http://theremittanceman.blogspot.com.

Look forward to seeing you there.

OKAY, THAT'S IT FOR ONE NIGHT

2008-09-12T17:32:00.005Z

From the distant rumble I just heard I surmise the threatened thunder is approaching (or the mine's explosives magazine has just detonated - I guess I'll find out soon enough).

On the blogging front, there is every chance that by Sunday kwaRemittance-on-the-Web will have shifted to a new, ASBO free location. I'm in the process of copying templates etc. I'll keep everyone posted as to progress. In the meantime, because it's fetishy Friday, here are some ladies in boots:

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar-Major.

THESE BASTARDS SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN FOR WHOM THEY WORK

2008-09-12T17:26:00.002Z

The parents of a London barrister shot dead by police fled a courtroom and his sisters broke down in tears after they were attacked by lawyers for asking too many questions about his killing.

I don’t know whether the shooting of Mark Saunders was justified or not and quite frankly that’s immaterial. What we do know is that an apparently educated and rational man was shot and killed by the police and his family obviously want to know why. Maybe it’s inconvenient and irritating, it might even seem a bit over the top; but that’s no excuse for what appears to be a rather nasty exercise in courtroom bullying.

If anyone considers my opinion worthwhile, here it is:

Someone needs to take those lawyers and the cops who hired them to one side. Then, with the aid of simple diagrams and the largest Gunn and Moore SupaWhacker Pro Express, they should be re-acquainted with Sir Robert Peel’s Nine Principles of Policing and from whence (or rather whom) the pennies in their pay packets originate.

AND IN OTHER PHOTO NEWS

2008-09-12T17:10:00.004Z

Mr FM has discovered evidence that the primordial soup my clan optomistically calls the Remittance gene pool might contain a dash of something oriental.

This might go a long way to explaining Uncle Ho Chi Remittance. Spot any family resemblance?

SOMETIMES YOU JUST CAN’T BUY GOOD PUBLICITY

2008-09-12T17:07:00.002Z

What makes me think the executives at a certain American manufacturer of fuckoff big tonka toys will find this picture highly gratifying.

Before you ask: Yes, I did e-mail it to a chum at CAT HQ. I owe him for a couple of splendid evenings out at Mr Caterpillar’s expense.

And because I’m an evil minded so and so with a sick sense of humour I also sent copies to chums at various other makers of FOB kit. Which I guess means I won’t be getting many calendars this Christmas.

Ho hum!

AND….?

2008-09-12T17:06:00.000Z

Apparently during their meeting the Russian Foreign Minister subjected The Millipede to a verbal roasting of note including much use of the “f-word”*.

The question this raises, however, is this: “Why is it news?”

The guy just found himself in a position to do what a lot of Brits would love to do if they ever got the chance to meet a NuLab cabinet minister in person.

In a strange sort of way, I find it rather comforting: It shows that even if they are baby eating monsters from the Lubjanka Lagoon, Vlad the Impaler’s minions experience the same emotions as human beings. At least, they do when they when confronted with self-righteous little tits.

One can only hope at the conclusion he bade The ‘pede farewell with a cheery “yob tvoyomaszh”**.

*By which I think they mean “French”
**Or however it’s spelt. I’ve long regretted my Third Form decision to take Home Ec instead of Russian. I think it had something to do with Miss Honeywell having nicer legs than Old Trotsky Orlovski – I was a slave to my “urges” even then.

I DON’T THINK SO

2008-09-12T17:02:00.004Z

According to The Telegraph a scientist has “proved” that contrary to conventional wisdom horizontal stripes make people look thinner.

Stripes that run across the body are more slimming than supposedly-flattering vertical stripes, according to research by perception expert Peter Thompson of the University of York. He asked people to compare more than 200 pairs of pictures of women wearing horizontally and vertically striped dresses. He then asked them to say, in each case, which of the two they thought was fatter. His experiment revealed that when the two women were the same size, the one wearing the horizontal-striped dress appeared to people to be the thinner of the two. And to make the women appear to be the same size, the one wearing the horizontal stripes had to be six per cent wider.

But if this picture is an example of the ones he used in his experiment, can anyone spot the problem? No? Then let me help you.

The picture of the lady in horizontal stripes has had the perception of depth deliberately enhanced especially around the hips and bust. With the figure on the right, however, all sense of depth has been erased, her dress is like those paper clothes kids pin on cut-out dollies.

I’m no imaging specialist, but I do know that the creation of a sense of depth in an image is very important; it’s why men find women wearing sheer stockings (especially in dark colours) more alluring than those wearing woollen or neutral coloured ones. With sheer dark stockings the part of the leg directly facing the viewer appears considerably lighter than the rest. As the leg curves away the effect of the sheer weave is to darken the edges of the leg. This enhancement of shade creates the illusion of legs with superior slenderness, length and curviness – ie just the things needed to catch the eye of shallow, base males.

But it’s not just ladies legs (and men’s pervie natures) that benefit from this either. Take sports for example:

In contact games where physical intimidation is a factor, horizontal stripes are common, many rugby clubs wear jerseys with horizontal stripes after all. In soccer, the need is different; in that sport, creating the impression of lithe athleticism is more important so vertical stripes predominate.

Old fashioned military uniforms also bore out the conventional fashion wisdom. In the days when fighting was done at ranges of fifty yards or less uniforms tended to have a lot of rows of lace and so on, predominantly diagonal or horizontal. But fancy uniforms were expensive, so why do it? Because all those pipe-clayed cross belts and horizontal bands of lace and epaulettes made men look bulkier and hence more frightening.

These may only be small things compared to actually being bigger, faster, better armed or more curvaceous, but in sport, warfare and even the mating game a wise player uses every advantage and these have been around for a while. If they didn’t work, sartorial Darwinism would have culled them years ago.

Unless The Telegraph is misrepresenting Mr Thomson’s research I have to say that I think he’s talking a load of cobblers having based his conclusions on answers to biased questions. So if he doesn’t mind, I’ll stick to the conventional wisdom practically proven by generations of ladies on the pull and rugby players around the world.

COULDN’T FIND THEIR ARSES WITH BOTH HANDS

2008-09-12T15:31:00.001Z

Predictably the revelation that HMG tried to weasel its way out of helping Britain’s locally employed staff from Iraq is generating much outrage. This is only right and proper. The government that acts on our behalf has been shown (once again) to have acted in a ways no decent person would. Personally I fully support Tim’s opinion about what should happen to the bastards responsible for this.

But beyond the immediate story, this outrageous incident illustrates a deeper malaise within the administration. Over the past eleven years Britain has seen a massive increase in immigration, often on “compassionate” or “humanitarian” grounds. Yet many of the people to whom the nation has shown compassion come from countries which have absolutely no historic or cultural ties to Britain.

From Iranian lesbians to radical North African God-botherers to Afghan hijackers, they’ve all been let in. Yet should anyone ever dare to question the wisdom of this they are branded racists. The party line says the inclusion of these people in British society is beneficial. Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t; I don’t want to reopen that particular argument here. But why, given the country’s apparent “open door policy”, does the government suddenly pull up the drawbridge when people to whom we do owe a recognisable duty of care start knocking at the gate?

And it’s not just the Iraqi interpreters. Take the case of Bahadur Pun VC. Here’s a former Gurkha soldier who served Britain with great distinction and now in obvious need of the country’s help; yet he is only let in for medical care after a massive public outcry. After the invasion of Afghanistan, HMG happily let former Taliban fighters into Britain both for medical attention and “humanitarian” grounds. Even if they fought against British and allied troops and still regard Britain as an enemy.

It’s not racism that makes people shout and scream about immigration and asylum seekers; it’s confusion and outrage at policies made in their name that have no apparent logical foundation yet appear to fly deliberately in the face of what normal people would call decency, honour and duty.

SIGNIFICANT HISTORY

2008-09-12T15:27:00.002Z

On this day in 1683 the Polish Army under Jan Sobieski linked up with Austro-Hungarian forces and roundly defeated the Ottoman Turkish army besieging Vienna, thus saving ~~European civilisation~~ damned good coffee and rich chocolate tart from the clutches of militant Islam.

I always knew the Poles were dashed fine fellows.

Mzi! I feel a toast coming on. A glass of the Polish vodka. Manje manje.

THOSE THAT CAN DO, THOSE THAT CAN’T SET OUT THEIR VISION. ENDLESSLY

2008-09-12T15:11:00.010Z

On Wednesday Guido noted that back in September 2007, Gordon Brown claimed he didn’t call an election “because he wanted to set out his vision”. With Brown now talking about renewing his vision, Mr Fawkes asks the reasonable question: “Does anyone now better understand his vision?”

Well, actually, I think I do.

Brown, like a lot of lefties, is a theoretician; he’s the type who loves to sit around engaging in endless discussions about the minutae of socialist dogma. I suspect his perfect vision is to spend his premiership continuously discussing, amending and updating his plan for Britain until it is ideologically perfect.

Of course, this never ending process of theoretical masturbation means that no actual plan ever gets implemented. But, given the quality of typical socialist thinking, this is hardly a bad thing.

In the meantime, expect more waffle about “developing our vision” and dubious tractor production statistics.

UPDATE

It appears I was wrong. Brown does have a real vision: Loft insulation for everyone.

.....oooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo.....

That was me engaging in an ~~exuberant~~ sardonic, one-man Mexican wave.

Karl Marx must be so proud.

USEFUL ADVICE FROM THE THUNDERER

2008-09-12T15:09:00.000Z

The Times is offering an article entitled: Ten Ways To Secure Your Identity. It’s all sensible stuff and I’m sure that if one follows the advice the risk of one’s identity being abused by villainous types will be much reduced.

But I do note with dismay that they don’t mention the Number One, absolute best way to ensure your personal details remain safe:

DO NOT GIVE THEM TO THE GOVERNMENT

MORE MINING SUMMIT STUPIDITY

2008-09-12T15:07:00.001Z

And yet another example of labour and government marching in harmony towards disaster.

In his speech at the mining summit on Wednesday, the main man what counts from the National Union of Mineworkers called on the government to set up a state owned mining company to take an active part in the gold, diamond and platinum mining sectors. At least he was clear (sort of) about his motivations: he wants to see a company that cares not only for its shareholders but the people it employs as well*.

Sadly the state is not quite so clear (or honest). The same DME spokesman who thinks people being paid to take risks is a bad thing was all in favour, but for different reasons. He thought that a state owned mining company would be able to introduce advances in safety and technology faster than the private companies, presumably because the private companies just love behaving like inefficient dinosaurs.

When I heard this I almost drove off the road in amazement. I mean, what flipping planet does this guy inhabit? Show me one place on earth where a state owned mining company has out performed its private sector rivals. At anything. I can’t think of one.

As for the rationalisation! Puhleeeeez!

Let’s look at the safety thing first. Over the past few decades the industry has made some pretty big advances and death and injury rates have fallen dramatically. But in the past few years the decline has started to flatten off. Talking to my chums in the safety business they say that this is because to date the approach has been systems based and they have reached their natural limit of effectiveness.

According to the chums, the next big step change will only come when we manage to persuade everyone that they are responsible for their own. We have started down this road, but it’s hard work, especially on the labour relations front. Given that a state owned company is bound to be in thrall to the unions, can you imagine management being able to implement the necessary changes better than a private company? I can’t.

So the safety thing is humbug. What about “new technology”. Oddly enough the private sector does this quite well; there’s a big incentive to improve the bottom line after all. Of course there are sometimes problems fitting new technology to decades old infrastructure, and even bigge problems training a badly educated workforce in new and complicated things. But on the whole I’d say we aren’t too bad at this.

There is one problem however: The introduction of new technology often means changes in working practices and even reductions in labour. Can one imagine the management of a state owned mining company managing to get job cuts or even simple changes in working practice past their union controllers? I can’t.

And that’s just two problems. I haven’t even started to consider the implications of under investment, short term thinking, ever changing political priorities and the general low grade corruption and moral degradation that are endemic to state owned enterprises worldwide.

Nah! This idea is a disaster waiting to happen and if it gets approved, I don’t want to be anywhere near it when it all goes tits up.

*Translation – cushy jobs for life and regular, large pay rises underwritten by the taxpayer.

BACK AGAIN

2008-09-12T14:59:00.002Z

And kicking off with a delightful double derriere feature, just because it's Friday.

Just one note of caution, I see clouds looming on the horizon which could be the precursor of the first rain of the season. If it is, it will be wonderfully early (oooooooh! Scary climate change thingies. Ooooooh!) but quite frankly we do need the rain.

Anyway, the usual precautions concerning Cedric and thunder will be observed so if I suddenly disappear from air, you'll know why.

Anyway, that's enough whittering, let's get on with the show.

RISALDAR MAJOR. HAVE THE MEN REVERSE ARMS, IF YOU PLEASE

2008-09-11T15:18:00.002Z

We will return to our scheduled programming tomorrow.

AAAAAARGH!

2008-09-10T18:13:00.007Z

That's just about as much idiocy as I can take for one day, and I'm sure you feel the same. Indeed, Doctor Remittance's only cure for the effects of reading about so much numptiness is to gaze upon pictures of attractive ladies until the pain goes away. In cases like this I recommend ladies of the sub-continent and add that the liberal consumption of spiritous liqeur greatly speeds recovery.

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar Major.

AT LEAST GOVERNMENTAL STUPIDITY ISN'T CONFINED TO BRITAIN

2008-09-10T18:10:00.001Z

According to the SABC wireless the South African government’s Department for Minerals and Energy doesn’t seem to understand how the industry works.

Basically down here the way things work is this: The state owns all the mineral rights in the country. It then leases these out to companies for fixed periods of time (thirty years is the current life of a mining lease, with first option to renew on expiry). In return the mining company must demonstrate that it is continually working to either expand its knowledge of the mineral resources on that lease (exploration) and/or actively exploiting those resources (mining). But once issued those leases are tradable commodities; Company A can sell its lease to Company B, Company B then assumes the rights to explore and/or mine as well as the obligation to show continuous work.

Okay, that’s the legal side of things. Where do new mines come from?

WELL, when a daddy mine loves a mummy mine …..

No. Let’s start again.

Mines are started by exploration. People go out and look for patches of ground with economic quantities of extractable minerals. This is called exploration. Many times the big mining companies (the Majors) are too busy running mines to do this themselves. Instead, smaller companies, called Juniors, do this. They look around until they find an interesting patch of ground, lease the exploration rights from the state and then do all sorts of exploration to see if the minerals are really there (see here for more background on reserves, resources and the value attached to increasing knowledge about them[http://remittanceman.blogspot.com/2008/02/mineral-reserves-and-resources-what.html]). If they are lucky and the minerals really do exist the more exploration they do increases the confidence in the ore body and hence its value. The equation is simple:

Patch of ground which might maybe possibly contain minerals = cheap
Patch of ground with well known quantity of minerals = expensive

Obviously the actual value will depend upon all sorts of other factors like reef thickness, extractability and the projected long term metal price but the basic principle remains.

The problem is starting an underground mine can cost hundreds of millions of dollars and have a payback period of up to fifteen years. The Juniors frequently lack both the corporate infrastructure and access to that sort of capital to let them do this. What they do instead is sell the rights they have, plus the increased knowledge they have gathered, to someone who has both: one of the Majors.

Typically at this point the directors of the Junior company buy a Caribbean island and retire to a life of luxurious indolence and sloth. Their employees, usually a handful of geologists, then have to find new employers. The thing is, the system works and basically keeps the industry going. So why my ire at the DME? It’s simple really:

For the last couple of days the government has been holding its annual Mining Summit. This is a gathering of senior people from industry, the government and the unions and they are supposed to discuss how to make the industry fiunction better for all concerned. Normally its resolutions are pretty anodyne and based on common sense; obviously the unions and the industry types tend to butt heads but in the past the government has generally acted as the arbitrator. This year things appear to be different, for one thing the government appears to be leaning more to the side of the unions.

To take one example it seems that the idea of juniors profiting from their exploration activities is now being frowned upon. Speaking on the wireless this afternoon, a DME spolesman used the example of “a man” (we know not who) who acquired an exploration lease for a patch of ground for R9 million, he then sold this to “a mining company” (again unnamed) for R3.4 billion. “And he still owes the bank R200 million”. This all said in tones more appropriate had “a man” just buggered the entire cabinet live on national tv.

This is how the bloody industry works!

“A man” took a risk. He acquired a lease on property which judging by its value nobody knew anything about. He then spent at least R200 million drilling and exploring that land. In other words he risked a shedload of money on a very risky investment. True most of that money belonged to the bank, but knowing how juniors operate “a man” was probably risking a lot of his personal capital as well. Fortunately for him his hunch paid off and he found minerals in sufficient abundance for a big mining company to reckon it was worth R3.4 billion. Presumably, and ESKOM willing, some time in the near future a mine that didn’t exist will be sunk, people who never had them will get jobs, previously inaccessible mineral wealth will be turned into stuff people can use, the government will be paid royalties and taxes and foreign exchange will be earned for the country. All thanks to “a man” taking a big risk. Yet, if the tone and meaning of the DME spokesman’s words are to be believed (and I honestly hope for the future of this industry and this country, I am wrong), “a man” is evil and this sort of thing will no longer be encouraged within the borders of South Africa.

So what if “a man” is now contemplating the purchase of Jamaica? He shouldn’t be vilified, he should be proclaimed a national bloody hero and the President should be giving him the Order of Madiba* or whichever of the new national awards is appropriate.

As I say: I truly, honestly pray I misunderstood the DME spokesman, or that he was talking out of class, because if he wasn’t then I’m liquidating my assets and getting the hell out of Dodge.

*First Class. With Bells and Knobs

GORDON TRULY IS A MORON

2008-09-10T18:04:00.002Z

I know we all know this, but today’s evidence is provided by The Telegraph.

It appears Her Majesty’s Prime Minister has broken with all diplomatic convention and publically endorsed Barack Obama for the Presidency of the United States of America.

Now I am sure that my American readers, indeed most Americans, will be righteously miffed at this ill-mannered and unwarranted interference in their elections. But before they all rush off and bung teabags into Boston harbour I hope they consider this: Britain’s hapless (and hopeless) PM might just have done them a big favour.

There is, after all, strong evidence that Gordon Brown’s endorsement is not exactly a thing sensible people actively seek. The Touch of Brown has been The Kiss of Death to the ambitions of numerous sportsmen and political candidates.

Of course, for Brits, things are a little different. Once again the PM has displayed his gifts of stupidity and incompetence, embarrassing the country on the international stage. Not only has he demonstrated that he knows bugger all of the common decencies concerning relations between nations, but it appears he’s even done it for the wrong reasons. According to John McCain’s website*, the specific policy of Obama that he singles out for praise was quietly dropped from the Democratic Manifesto a month ago.

True to socialist form, the knee jerk reaction from Downing Street has been to blame some nameless “junior apparatchik” for the gaff. But this does rather expose the Dear Leader to a couple of embarrassing questions. Queries such as: “Why was an article not written by himself sent for publication under his name? Isn't that dishonest?”

Even if the piece was penned by a minor functionary, surely Brown would have had the gumption to check it first. Or does the PM blithely sign every bit of paper put under his nose? If that’s the case I’ve got a bundle of expense claims and a resignation letter I need to get to Downing Street toot sweet.

Truly! Is there anything these dipsticks have touched that didn’t turn to ratshit?

*Hat tip Guido for that link

YEEEEEHAAAAH! THE CLASS WAR’S BACK!

2008-09-10T18:00:00.001Z

Apparently Hattie Harman is going to tell the TUC conference in Brighton that the Class War is once again official NuLabour policy. Doubtless this attempt to appeal to the party’s left wing is part of Gordon’s attempt to claw back support.

Leaving aside the irony of the privately educated daughter of a Harley Street physician, lecturing The Bruvvers on the importance of class war, let’s try and analise this objectively.

Arguably Tony Blair’s greatest success was to turn the unreconstructed socialist bogeymen of the old Labour Party into the cuddly social-democrats of NuLabour. By ditching Clause IV and embracing free markets, property rights and so on, Mondeo Man and Worcester Woman were persuaded that maybe voting Labour wasn’t so bad after all. And it worked. It might have pissed off diehard lefties, but Labour became electable again.

Unfortunately eleven years have passed and the accumulation of clusterfucks, the change to a less charismatic leader and increasing economic woes are leading people to question whether the NuLabour brand is actually all it is cracked up to be. Indeed in the four most recent electoral tests the Labour Party has been handed its arse on a plate. But interestingly the Labour campaign in two of those elections was characterised by class war memes. Equally interestingly, in both cases, Labour lost what were relatively safe seats.

The evidence seems to show that while the call to resume the class war might appeal to the die hard trades unionists in Brighton, I suspect that it will not go down so well with the electorate. The winter of discontent may have happened thirty years ago, but there are enough around who will publicise the links between that unhappy period, the increasing economic burden and the antics of any newly-invigourated, old-style socialists for people to make the connection.

And if that isn’t enough, there are plenty naughty, blogging wingnuts who will happily point out that a significant number of Brown’s Clowns are products of privileged backgrounds.

Then again, maybe the looming general election isn’t Brown’s first priority. Rumour has it Labour Party is deeply in debt with individual donations falling. He could just be desperate to ward off the bailiff’s men with any money he can get hold of. Including that from The Bruvvers

WHEN LEFTIES FIGHT AMONGST THEMSELVES

2008-09-10T17:56:00.001Z

Somehow political infighting amongst those of the left is always far more bitter, bloody and entertaining than anything the right can produce. And such is the latest case with the South African Communist Party.

Last year businessman, Charles Modise, laid a charge against the party’s General Secretary, Blade Mzimande. Modise claimed that in 2002 he had made a R500,000 donation to the party. Rather oddly this donation was made in cash and his allegation was that instead of putting the money to good works, Mzimande had trousered it.

Naturally Mzimande denied this and suspicion fell on SACP President Willie Madisha who, by his own admission, had acted as the bag man. Literaly. In a statement to the police Madisha said he had indeed collected the donation, in a black refuse bag, but that he had handed the money to Mzimande. Faced with a virtually impossible case of “he said, no, he said” the police withdrew from the investigation until the SACP could produce some sort of clarity.

The party’s own internal machinations ultimately led to the purging of Willie Madisha. Meanwhile Modise had changed his tack and was now accusing Madisha and party Treasurer, Phillip Dexter, of an alleged campaign to malign his name.

Dexter’s role in the actual donation issue actually appears to have been relatively minor. He had been appointed Treasurer after 2002 and according to the interview he gave the SABC yesterday he simply reported to the party’s hierarchy that there was no trace of the cash in the records. The problem appears to be that he was/is an ally of Madisha and his reasons for resigning seem to be related to that and his unhappiness with the way Madisha was purged.

However, according to a longer article in the IoL this seems not to be Dexter’s only problem with the party. In his resignation letter he cites assorted “failings” and practices not least his own suspension for writing a letter critical of the SACP’s support for Jacob Zuma.

Needless to say, given the track record of socialist parties worldwide, I don’t expect the matter to rest there. Standby for more revelations, accusations and political bloodletting in the continuing soap opera that is SA politics. Heck! We may even eventually find out where that mysterious half a million bucks went.

MORE JACOB ZUMA

2008-09-10T17:48:00.002Z

In an interesting follow up to yesterday’s post regarding Mr Zuma’s legal travails, the wireless news today reports that there is quite a lot happening.

Yesterday members of the MK Veterans’ Association* marched to the offices of the National Prosecuting Authority. This is part of a nationwide campaign by Zuma’s supporters to try and have the prosecution, which they view as politically motivated, quashed.

On Friday, the ANC President will find out whether efforts to have his upcoming prosecution declared invalid in the High Court have been successful. Several thousand protesters are expected to gather outside the court.

But whether this succeeds or not, the SABC wireless is reporting today that there is also much speculation that Zuma and the NPA are in negotiations over a plea bargain. Interestingly, while both sides are playing coy and refusing to answer any questions, neither are they denying that such negotiations are taking place**.

Meanwhile, Zuma has been conducting a damage limitation exercise after several instances where it appeared the more enthusiastic of his supporters had made threats and “inappropriate” comments regarding the judicial process and the independence of the judiciary.

*aka The Old Terrorists’ Drinking Club
**PM Update, Zuma's spokesmen are now saying that there are no negotiations. Anything that might have happened has been put on hold since the case against his prosecution was launched.

HELLO ONCE AGAIN

2008-09-10T17:33:00.003Z

Sadly today finds me in a less happy mood than yesterday. Not because of anything at work, or even within the confines of kwaRemittance. No my mood is disturbed by the incredible degrees of numptiness I see and hear about in the world at large. Honestly, people and especially politicians really do seem determined to prove that there are no limits to the depths of stupidity to which the human race can descend.

Before continiung and for the benefit of your bloody pressure I heartily recommend a few minutes spent in peaceful contemplation of this young lady's derriere.

Now on with the (horror) show.

HO HUM!

2008-09-09T16:18:00.007Z

The Fearsome Hounds of Remittance are making it known that it is now two minutes past their supper time and the minced burglar mightgo off if I leave things much longer. Come to think of it I didn't have much of a lunch today either. So if you will excuse me I shall be off to tend to the catering arrangements.

But before I go, here are some delightful ladies in lingerie, to entertain you:

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar-Major.

KING MIDAS MAY HAVE BEEN A MYTHICAL FIGURE

2008-09-09T15:51:00.001Z

But The Anti-Midas* is alive and well and living in No 10 Downing Street.

I have mathematically demonstrated that Gordon Brown’s Jonah Effect is genuine, but it’s still nice to see one’s theses further vindicated by events outside one’s control. It seems we have just experienced one of those moments.

I don’t follow tennis, but apparently some British chap got through to the finals of a big competition on the other side of the pond and by all accounts this is a bit of a rare event. Anyway, once the biffer of balls had guaranteed his place in the final, Britain’s beloved PM stuck his head over the parapet long enough to wish the fellow well. Live on Sky News.

Predictably Andy Murray then went on to lose in straight sets. Against a man he recently thrashed.

How does it go? “Once is coincidence. Twice is suspicious. Three times and we’re starting to see a disturbing pattern developing”?

*Everything he touches, even gold, turns to shit.

AAAAAAAARGH!

2008-09-09T15:44:00.003Z

Also via Iain from yesterday’s Evening Standard:

Town hall bureaucrats could soon dictate what homeowners grow in their gardens. The measure is one of 52 ways to cut household waste suggested in a report commissioned by the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. Restrictions on fast-growing plants, trees and flowers could be brought in by "including gardens in building regulations" it said.

Iain says he’s almost stuck speechless by this. Me? I’ve got plenty to say. Sadly most of it is unprintable. Even on this website.

What I can say is if there really are bureaucrats at DEFRA who have nothing better to do than concern themselves with the contents of peoples’ herbacious borders, then I can only conclude that there are bureaucrats at DEFRA who are superfluous to requirements. Indeed I guess that most normal people would look forward to the day when fuckers like them are thanked for their efforts, handed a P45 and shown to the door. I, on the other hand, would happily strap the useless wastes of space to the business ends of loaded, brass, nine-pound cannon before stepping round the back to apply a match to the blue touch paper.

It doesn’t matter whether you voted Labour, Conservative or Monster Raving Loony at the last election, I’m willing to bet the house that you didn’t vote to increase the powers of official peeking toms over what you and your neighbours choose to grow in your gardens*.

*If you did actually base your voting decision on that one topic, then I shall not honour the bet. Not because I welch on wagers but because you are clearly the sort of illiberal, good-for-nothing piece of shite who deserves the same one-way-trip to eternity, as the oxygen thieving cunch of bunts from DEFRA.

FFS!

2008-09-09T15:38:00.002Z

Living where I do and being a self-confessed, right-wing nut and a rude, cynical bugger too boot, many people might make the mistake of thinking me to be some sort of white hood wearing racial supremacist. Now, I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit I can and do laugh/cry/pull my hair out in frustration at some of the things my African chums get up to. Frequently. What’s more I can be exceeding rude about them when they do things that are particularly dumb. But then I do exactly the same when I see or read about Brits, Europeans or any other people making fuckwits of themselves.

I may be an opinionated, cynical, elitist bastard but at least I am an equal opportunities opinionated, cynical, elitist bastard.

The real fact is, living where I do, I see the damage fucked up policies based on racial “differences” and segregation have caused*. I see the consequences every day and it makes me madder than hell to see the sheer bloody waste of so much human potential. I’ve also come to realise that while there are differences between me and my “native” neighbours these are pretty superficial in the grand scheme of things; there are a shedload more things we actually have in common.

So when I read things like this my blood boils:

Former Livingstone adviser Lee Jasper has today called for the creation of 'black only' schools. He thinks it is the only way to tackle knife crime and raise standards for Afro Caribbean pupils.

In my experience Afro-Caribbean people (certainly those from countries with an anglo-saxon influenced history, anyway) are about as law abiding and aspirational as any other collection of individuals. Where communities have lost these values it’s not because they look different, it's because they have been “taught” to lose them, either by well-meaning fuckwits or corrupt opportunist bastards.

Neither type actually cares about the poor bloody people they claim to be helping. Nor do they have any incentive to actually improve their lot.

The wmfs are typically people who need a “noble cause” to give them a reason to feel better about themselves. They are often unconscious racists who think that certain communities need “special care” because they are inherently incapable of looking after themselves.

The cobs on the other hand are opportunists who view those same people as nothing but useful cannon fodder in their campaign for self enrichment and aggrandisement. The cobs’ concern for “their” people extends only so long as they can keep them revved up into a state of grievance.

Whether Mr Jasper is a wmf, or a cob, I leave for you to decide, but I will say that going down the route he proposes is sure as fuck not going to solve the problems he claims he wants to solve.

*And still do. The ANC can be just as racist as the Nats when it wants to be and thinks it can get away with it.

CABINET SAYS GORDON BROWN CAN WIN NEXT ELECTION

2008-09-09T15:35:00.002Z

And in other news, minsters declare that the sky is green and water does flow uphill.

According to The Telegraph, Gordon Brown’s cabinet have rallied around the ~~Dead Leader Walking~~ Great Leader and are now expressing absolute devotion to him and unshakeable confidence in his “drive and vision”. Doubtless this will be interpreted, at least by those with a portside list, as a sign that Gordon is truly the genius he thinks he is and the ~~basket case~~ socialist utopia that Great Britain has become will last for a thousand years.

Quite where this leaves Polly Toynbee, who finally and very publicly renounced her infatuation with her Viking Warrior last week, no one knows. Though watching her wriggle and twist as she tries to get out of this one will doubtless prove amusing to those of us who enjoy such spectacles.

Turning back to the cabinet’s sudden show of faith in Brown, though. If I had to guess, I’d say that all this “Hail Brown” stuff is about as genuine as a nine bob note. My suspicion is that the future contenders have had a Granita* moment and agreed that to provoke a leadership challenge now would lead to one of them committing political suicide. Whoever eventually won would certainly be branded as a backstabber and in all likelihood have the shortest prime ministerial career in history.

Methinks they have agreed that the best course of action is to let Brown stay in office until the general election. This guarantees everyone keeps their noses in the trough for 18 months and when Gordon finally does lead the party to its inevitable electoral trouncing he can then be thrown to the wolves with clean consciences all round. Post the electoral wipeout, a leadership campaign can then be conducted with all the candidates claiming they have clean hands.

*Translation for foreign readers: The Granita Restaurant was where, in 1994, it is believed Tony Blair stitched Gordon Brown up over the future leadership of the Labour Party. Instead of a proper leadership election, Blair got Brown to stand aside in return for a vague promise of letting Brown take over as PM “some time in the future”. Of course Blair’s understanding of when this magical date would arrive differed from Brown’s by quite a wide margin.

OOOOOOOH DEAR! MR ZUMA IS A BIT MIFFED

2008-09-09T15:27:00.002Z

It seems South African political cartoonist, Zapiro, has upset Mr Z. The cause is his latest cartoon, published in the Sunday Times of Johannesburg (and reproduced here).

I guess the picture really needs little explanation and interviewed on the wireless this morning, Zapiro simply said it expresses the anger, and betrayal, he feels at the ANC President’s legal antics. He says he has long been a supporter of the ANC and the struggle to achieve democracy in South Africa, but he strongly objects to the way the new ANC leadership appear to be placing themselves above the law and use their supporters to try and influence the outcome of legal proceedings.

Predictably the usual suspects are now running around kicking up a stink. Interestingly though, they don’t appear to be attacking the substance of the cartoon’s accusation: That Zuma and his legal team are abusing the legal system to try and delay his upcoming trial for corruption and fraud until he is in a position to grant himself a presidential pardon. Instead they are going off at tangents, presumably intentionally, by branding it “racist”, “tasteless”, “disrespectful” and, perhaps most oddly, “offensive to rape victims”.

The problem is that these charges are nebulous. Like beauty; taste, respect and even racism are often in the eye of the beholder. As to being offensive to the victims of rape, Zapiro says he actually showed drafts of the cartoon to women, some of whom have been raped, seeking their opinion before he submitted his work for publication. He says he received positive feedback. Besides, good political cartoonists are supposed to poke metaphorical sticks at things other people consider unpokable.

Certainly the cartoon is hard hitting and yes it does sail close to the wind considering Zuma’s past court appearances (and acquital). But, as Zapiro says, it also reflects the opinion of many South Africans on the matter. Whether he is guilty or not, and whether it is true or not, Zuma’s actions and those of his supporters do cast suspicion on his character and paint a worrying picture of what SA might be like under his leadership. Many people genuinely fear that the advances made in this country since 1994 could be undone and the place could revert back to being a typical African basket case ruled by an archetypal “Big Man” and his coterie of corrupt cronies. That fear has arisen and is reinforced as they watch the behaviour of Jacob Zuma and, more importantly, his not so astute supporters.

And therein lies the ultimate irony: Had his supporters simply gritted their teeth and stayed silent, that cartoon would now be nothing more than chip wrapping. Instead hours of tv and wireless airtime and hundreds of column inches are being given over to reporting and reproducing it. Thanks to the interweb it is even going global. If they wanted to limit the damage to their chief, Jacob Zuma’s fan club would probably have served him better had they kept their mouths shut.

HELLO AGAIN

2008-09-09T15:11:00.003Z

Well, after another funfilled day at the office what can I say? I have fought the good fight against the forces of numptiness and done my bit to exploit Mother Gaia's bountious natural resources.

What's more, if the report I submitted before getting the heck out of Dodge is accepted, we'll soon be taking delivery of a trio of bright yellow, sooper-dooper, fuckoff-big bulldozers complete with massive examples of Detroit's finest, fume belching, diesel engineering.

So how was your day?

Well, even if it was not as satisfying as mine, perhaps the image to the right will do something to restore your equanimity. If it does please raise a glass to the young lady and thank jer for sharing.

Now, on with the show.

UPDATE

If you can't see any posts above this one, please leave a note in the comments, Blogger seems to be having problems with publishing posts when I send them in. Probably something to do with the ASBO.

AND FINALLY

2008-09-08T16:15:00.005Z

I'm off to yet another farewell do, the third in as many weeks*. So I shall bid you all good evening and leave you with the return of the Monday Vintage Poppies.

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar-Major.

*As I might have mentioned our retention policies don't seem to be keeping up with the recruitment policies of other companies at the moment.

IF THIS IS THE WORST THEY CAN DIG UP …

2008-09-08T16:10:00.002Z

… I DON’T THINK CAMERON HAS MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT

Tory councillors run a brothel at their house.

According to the strict legal definition I don’t think they were actually running a brothel, but let’s give the Mirror’s subs some allowance for poetic licence. Semantics aside it does appear that Tory councillors David and Carol Bourne were offering sexual services in return for renumeration.

According to the Mirror, for £80, a gentlemen caller could enjoy an intimate time with Mrs Bourne (47) with the apparent approval and encouragement of Mr Bourne (66) and all in the comfort of their suburban home. What’s more, and in the best traditions of the Home Shopping Network, there was more. For a mere extra twenty sovs, an adventurous gentleman could enjoy the services of the bisexual Mr Bourne as well. According to the Mirror, facilities were even available for clients to make their own video momentoes of the occasion.

On a strictly libertarian basis I can’t see anything wrong with what the Bourne’s were up to. It may not be my cup of tea, and even if I were completely ginger I don’t think I’d fancy Mr Bourne*, but it doesn’t appear that anyone was coerced into joining these activities and nor does anyone seem to have been harmed (at least not in ways they didn’t wish to be and for which they hadn’t paid in advance). In fact one has to admire their entrepreneurial spirit. On the political front, however, one can see that this might cause some fleeting embarrassment to the Tory party; but I would suggest that it is hardly of the same moment as the Profumo affair.

Besides, with the economy sliding towards recession and a Prime Minister of doubtful ability and dubious mental state promising to take charge personally, I’d imagine the electorate are going to be a little more concerned about bigger issues than a couple of local councillors of …. erm … alternate morality.

*Photos of Mrs Bourne are unavailable so I cannot comment in her case.

THIS IS BOLLOX

2008-09-08T16:05:00.002Z

Britain should be able to have "special status" within the European Union that would allow it to effectively opt out of agreements such as the Lisbon Treaty, the author of the European Union Constitution will say today.

Of course the obvious response to that is to say: “No Britain should not have special status ,she should not be part of the eu in the first place”. But let’s leave that aside for a moment and examine what VGdE is saying.

Here we have Monsieur Valerie Giscard d’Estang, the biggest euro-integrator to come out of France since Napoleon and principal author of the eu Constitution, saying that one of the members of the club to which he has devoted his entire political career should be allowed to break the rules whenever she pleases.

Can anyone name one other organisation where it is specifically stated that one member (a junior and unliked member at that) can get away with murder while the rest have to obey the rules rigidly? This would not be a tenable situation in a local knitting circle, let alone an international conglomeration of nations; especially when that conglomeration’s ultimate desire is greater harmony and homogenisation.

Personally methinks Val is going as close as he dare to saying Britain should either stop bitching or fuck off out of the eu for good (an option which would be fine by me). Of course the euro-types can’t actually say this for a couple of reasons:

Firstly they might find Britain called their bluff and left at her earliest convenience. Secondly, if Britain leaves I suspect several other countries may also express the desire to get out. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, while they may not like Britain, the eurorats love Britain’s loot. Without the billions, perfidious Albion pours into Brussels each year M’sieur d’Estang’s beloved Continental System would soon crumble to dust*.

Quite frankly, the only thing of interest in M. Giscard d’Estang’s planned speech is that he is tacitly accepting that, besides a few politicians on the make, Britain really does not want to be part of the eu, and, besides the contents of HM Treasury, the europhiles would rather Britain were not part of their club.

*Much like the first version, put in place by his unlamented predecessor, did in 1814. Come to think of it, didn’t Britain have a hand in that one's destruction as well?

WHY IS THIS NEWS?

2008-09-08T15:55:00.001Z

Superfast broadband, which would allow users to download music in seconds, will cost Britain between £5bn and £29bn, according to an independent advisory group.

The Broadband Stakeholder Group estimates that is the cost for a fibre-optic network needed to achieve download speeds of 30-100 megabits per second that reaches into every home in the country.

And their point is …..?

Assuming the BSG is an organisation representing private industry, then surely the decision of whether to wire up different bits of the country for broadband will be a purely commercial one and thus of no interest to anyone except the affected parties. Unless of course the BSG is actually begging for ~~taxpayer handouts~~ state support.

This is not explicitly stated, but I find this comment interesting:

Kim Meek, BSG chairman said the private sector needed to work with rural areas to establish whether there would be sufficient demand to justify the investment.

I could be wrong, but I have this suspicion “rural areas” is codespeak for “government”. Personally I think the BSG should be told to tend to their own business: If the cellphone companies managed to connect the entire country without government support why can’t the interweb ISPs? That’s certainly what’s happening in SA and such is the creative ingenuity of human kind most of my farmer friends have better interweb connectivity than I do relying on Telkom landlines.

MORE MRS PALIN

2008-09-08T15:44:00.002Z

Doubtless, the enthusiasm with which the male population of Blogistan* has shown for Sarah Palin's candidacy is being attributed to our collective fascination with attractive older women based on some oedopal lust for our nannies, governesses and other female authority figures from our days in the nursery. There may even be some truth in this**; though, according to some ladies of the right, Mrs P also has policy positions that would please us if we ever stopped drooling long enough to pay attention. But to my mind, equally fascinating is the reaction of the bien pensant leftie elite and MSM (redundancy alert) to the sudden attention being accorded to the Governatrix of Alaska.

Almost to a ~~man~~ ~~woman~~ whatever, they have decided Mrs Palin is some sort of unreconstructed religious nut, dangerous prehistoric throw back and inbred, shoeless hillbilly (hillbetty?). Even the supposedly right leaning Telegraph is having a go this time reporting that hockey moms aren’t just an arctic adapted sub-species of the soccer mom genus.

There are some tough cookies cheering on their little darlings on the ice. Hockey parents have been known to "drop the gloves" and attack coaches. An internet trawl provides enough footage for at least one episode, possibly two, of "Hockey Moms Gone Wild". Under "bad hockey mom" I found a 30-second unbroken burst of language so profane that it would make the most voluble Millwall fan blanch.

Now I don’t doubt some parents of juvenile hockey players can be loud and pushy. Hell! Even Mrs P may have punched the odd referee’s lights out for all I know. But surely, if the author of the article were objective he would also have noted the result of googling “bad soccer mom” as well. Two minutes searching didn’t produce any Youtube evidence of foul mouthed tirades, but before the company’s network administrator sent me a warning, I found enough material for at least one, possibly two, entire series of “Soccer Moms Gone Wild”.

We may have thought the Democratic Party’s presidential primary was example enough of the MSM’s political tendencies, but I get the feeling that will pale in comparison to the reaction Sarah Palin’s arrival on the McCain ticket has produced. As ever I guess it will be the blogosphere which will have to provide the balance. Fortunately there already seems to be one chap working to counter the wilder Sarahcuda rumours.

Hat tip Theo for the link.

*Those assigned to the starboard watch, anyway.

**Amateur psychologists are no doubt frantically drawing conclusions about the political leanings of subscribers to certain niche orientated, adult-educational websites as we speak.

OH LOVELY

2008-09-08T15:42:00.002Z

I see Blogger has its head up its bum again. My posts are being accepted but don't seem to be getting published on the website. If this is happening to you, my apologies, and may I suggest you try reading today's posts in the September 2008 archives available at the bottom of the sidebar.

MACAVITY BROWN TRIES TO INSPIRE CONFIDENCE

2008-09-08T15:38:00.001Z

Gordon Brown has vowed to tackle the country's problems in the same way he deals with his own private demons, as he comes under pressure from unions to tax energy companies and the super-rich.

Of course one’s first reaction to news like that is to surmise that this means more Prime Ministerial mobiles will be lost due to catastrophic phone-wall-interface incidents. But after that amusing thought passes one is left with a lingering sense of dread. The widely held belief is that Brown’s default reaction to problems and adversity is: “Run away and hide until everything blows over”.

While this decidedly unChurchillian approach to problem solving is perhaps not a good trait in a PM and says nothing for Courage Brown’s intestinal fortitude; this time, when he is facing demands from the unions for “more socialism”, avoiding the issue and doing nothing is probably the best option. With the economy on the slide, the last thing the country needs is a dose of Marx inspired mismanagement.

Sadly, I suspect that Brown will actually try and do something this time. He’s on the ropes and desperate. The dangerous thing about this is that it is hardly a state of mind associated with clear and rational thought. Even worse, Brown is reportedly ignoring the Treasury for economic advice and relying on a coterie of yes men, the likes of Ed Balls.

This may sound extreme, but in the light of this news, I’d seriously be examining the Zimbabwe Dollar as a potential safe haven for my pounds.

WELL HELLO AGAIN

2008-09-08T15:18:00.003Z

Well, I survived my long weekend away, and if sloth indolence and laziness were the objectives I can happily say: "Mission accomplished".

After a somewhat slow trip down to the lowveld, which naturally included several breaks to ward off dehydration, we arrived at our destination. After some supper and libations (to ward off the mosquitos) we retired to our chalets.

At a quarter to sparrow fart o'clock the next day I decided that sleep was a better option than the game drive our hosts kindly offered. Rising later I showered and sat on the verandah drinking coffee and watching animals. The people on the game drive came back and reported seeing nothing.

The rest of the day was spent sitting around the pool avoiding dehydration.

I did partake of the afternoon game drive and we saw lots of animals. Supper was accompanied by more anti-mosquito prophylaxis in liquid form.

The next morning I once again declined the offer of an unholy o'clock game drive, prefering to rise later, brew myself a pot of coffee and again pass a couple of hours watching animals and birds from the comfort of the verandah. The mobile animal botherers returned having seen very little.

After a breakfast sufficient to keep Ethiopia fed for a month we then returned to "civilisation" rested and reinvigorated (and most definately not dehydrated) - a sensation that lasted until about five minutes after I arrived at work this morning. Still, it was a most enjoyable way to pass a couple of days and I'd recommend it to anyone.

OH WELL

2008-09-04T21:20:00.009Z

I think it advisable to get some serious rest before my extended weekend of laziness, so if you will excuse me, I am off to my pit.

In the meantime, here are some ladies in swimwear to keep you entertained.

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar-Major.

METRO HOTELS DOES NOT RECOGNISE THE SACRIFICES OF BRITISH SERVICE PERSONNEL

RM POLITELY REQUESTS THAT YOU DON’T RECOGNISE METRO HOTELS WITH YOUR CUSTOM

UPDATE

2008-09-04T20:55:00.004Z

Thud points out in response to this post that apparently this is not going down well at all. And via Mr Spark, we learn that according to the BBC, Metro Hotels are now profusely apologising for their treatment of Corporal Stringer. Indeed the grating mechanical sound you hear is Metro Hotels managment frantically backpeddling as fast as they can.

Apparently the news of how a wounded soldier on leave was refused a room "because it's company policy" has struck a chord with the public. People have even been phoning the particular establishment in question and leaving some not very nice messages.

Now I would never encourage anyone to make menacing or abusive phone calls, no matter what the justification*, but I'm afraid mealy mouthed apologies are insufficient. Personally I think Metro Hotels need to announce the immediate dismissal of all employees responsible (including the senior fuckwits who drew up and approved the company's insulting policy) and the introduction of a discount scheme for serving members of Her Maj's armed forces.

*Well, perhaps to No 10, but nowhere else.

METRO HOTELS DOES NOT RECOGNISE THE SACRIFICES OF BRITISH SERVICE PERSONNEL

RM POLITELY REQUESTS THAT YOU DON’T RECOGNISE METRO HOTELS WITH YOUR CUSTOM

ERM ….

2008-09-04T20:30:00.002Z

These activist types real do need to attend a weekend course on basic economics! Indeed so do a lot of journalists. Take this report from the Telegraph:

Prostitutes in London are offering full sex for as little as £15, research shows.

So screams the headline in The Barclay Bugle. Apparently this was prompted by research conducted by the Poppy Project, a charity that concerns itself with prostitution.

The charity surveyed more than 900 brothels and found many offered high-risk "services" such as unprotected anal sex for just £10 extra. Kissing is also available for an extra £10, much cheaper than in previous years.

At the same time the Poppy Project is saying that the number of service providers is increasing.

So far I can’t fault the logic, classic economics teaches us that if the supply of something (even commercial sex) increases, the price will decrease.

But from here on the report’s authors start to blow their credibility. One of them, Helen Atkins, is reported as saying this all the fault of “demand for prostitution services” ie horny despicable men intent on subjugating their womenfolk.

But back to classic economics: If supply increases, prices will decrease, UNLESS demand increases to maintain the relative scarcity of supply. But according to thePoppy Project prices are decreasing and supply is increasing. Therefore demand must be FALLING or at least be static.

If we stop and ponder for a moment, intuitive logic kind of supports this: Economic times are hard, and other opportunities decreasing. Thus it is reasonable to assume that the stimulii to enter prostitution (hardly a career first choice for most, I imagine) are increasing. This seems to be born out by the increase in the number of working working girls the Poppy Project reports.

But, hard times have another effect, people have less cash, especially for non-essential things. Since I imagine intimate time with ladies of negotiable affection falls into this category, it would be reasonable to assume that demand is falling. And guess what? The Poppy Project’s findings appear to bear this out. Sadly they also contradict its conclusions.

Still, why let facts and logic get in the way when there’s an agenda to be promoted?

METRO HOTELS DOES NOT RECOGNISE THE SACRIFICES OF BRITISH SERVICE PERSONNEL

RM POLITELY REQUESTS THAT YOU DON’T RECOGNISE METRO HOTELS WITH YOUR CUSTOM

THE TRAVAILS OF CHERRY’S SISTER

2008-09-04T20:25:00.002Z

A couple of days ago I mentioned how Lauren Booth had managed to get herself stranded in the Gaza Strip. Now I see that the issue is gaining MSM coverage. Even the SABC is covering the matter.

For those who haven’t been following the story here’s a synopsis:

Ms Booth arrived in Gaza on some sort of ethnic peace boat as part of a publicity stunt by “concerned activists”. As far as I can gather the Israelis were well aware of their intentions and could have stopped the buggers offshore. Instead it appears they decided that ignoring what was technically an act of illegal immigration into their territory would be less troublesome so they let the boat past their naval patrols. I’m guessing that in return for this consideration, the peaceniks agreed (tacitly at least) to bugger off the way they had come once they had done their thing. And this is what most of them did.

Alas, Ms Booth and a couple of her cronies decided that they wanted to stay in Gaza for a few days longer*. The problem is she now wants to go home**, but finds herself unable to do so.

Because she entered the territory illegally and failed to comply with the understanding between her peacenik chums and themselves the Israelis obviously consider her to have broken the rules. Hence they now feel perfectly entitled to jerk her around as much as they can by refusing to let her out. Meanwhile the Egyptians, who doubtless view euro-peaceniks as dimly as the Red Sea Ramblers do, are shrugging their shoulders and saying it’s not their problem as Gaza is Israeli territory.

Ms Booth, meanwhile, appears to be unable to grasp the fact this is a hole of her own digging and is kicking up a stink. Indeed it sounds as though she’s acting like a spoilt little aristo, demanding her brother-in-law/the British Embassy/the UN/whoever “does something”. One can almost hear the petulant screams: “Don’t you know who I am?” and “I’ll get our Cherry’s Tony onto you!”

To his credit, despite being in Jerusalem, Mr Blair is reported to have refused to intervene, saying the people at the British Consulate are doing a fine job. But, personally, one cannot help asking why even they are bothering? Even so I suspect they aren’t breaking any speed records.

My guess is that eventually some plan will be worked out and the good folk of Gaza will be relieved of Ms Booth’s presence. But for the moment the authorities in Israel and Egypt seem to find themselves working in concert for once. Their objective? To let the silly moo stew in her own juices for as long as possible. Oddly enough, listening to the SABC wireless this morning, I get the impression that a lot of the international media don’t exactly disapprove of this.

Since we’re on the subject of the MSM, it’s worth noting that, while they may not be entirely sympathetic towards Ms Booth’s plight, their coverage is taking one predictable turn. The fact that it’s the Israelis who are refusing to let Ms Booth out of Gaza is being given a great deal of prominence. The role being played by the equally intransigent Egyptians is being mentioned far less, if at all.

*Lord alone knows why; maybe they wanted to take in a couple of shows or something.
**My Muslim colleagues inform me that it is Ramadan so she’s probably upset that all the pavement cafes are shut

METRO HOTELS DOES NOT RECOGNISE THE SACRIFICES OF BRITISH SERVICE PERSONNEL

RM POLITELY REQUESTS THAT YOU DON’T RECOGNISE METRO HOTELS WITH YOUR CUSTOM

HE SAYS IT LIKE IT’S A BAD THING

2008-09-04T20:22:00.002Z

The Telegraph’s Alex Spillius reckons that Sarah Palin’s speech at the Republican Party Jambooree was too aggressive and she attacked Senator Obama far too much. Personally I think Mr Spillius is wrong for a couple of reasons.

The first is general: This is politics not patter cake and high stakes politics at that. This election will define how the world’s largest economy and one of its largest nations performs over the next four to eight years. No matter how hard well-meaning people wring their hands, the issues are too big for the players to play nicely.

My second reason is a little more particular: From the moment her name was announced, Sarah Palin has been the target of some very nasty and very personal attacks. I know I pretty much excused “hard” politics in my point above, but there’s a difference between “hard” and “nasty”. The lefties have gone for Mrs Palin in some of the worst ways possible; much worse than any of the attacks that were made on Hillary Clinton (and some of those were bad).

In her response I reckon La Governatrix was pretty restrained. As far as I can see she didn’t go for Obama’s family, she didn’t cast aspersions about his parentage or that of his kids. She didn’t even attack the guy’s wife, and that lady’s made herself quite a target with things she’s said in the past. Instead Mrs P took Obama on over his past record, experience and apparent lack of clear policies. Certainly some of the digs were sarcastic and they weren’t the sort of comments people normally make about their chums; but this isn’t a kindergarten and Barack isn’t Mrs Palin’s chum.

Far from going too far, I think the smug urban elite just got a rather gentle reminder of something every country smart outdoorsman knows: Never get between a nursing grizzly and her young. The Minnesota speech was her warning charge; next time Mummy Bear may not be so nice.

METRO HOTELS DO NOT RECOGNISE THE SACRIFICES OF BRITISH SERVICE PERSONNEL

RM POLITELY REQUESTS THAT YOU DON’T RECOGNISE METRO HOTELS WITH YOUR CUSTOM

BASTARDS!!!

2008-09-04T20:18:00.001Z

A soldier on leave after being injured in Afghanistan was refused a hotel room because he was in the army.

Cpl Tomos Stringer, from Gwynedd, north-west Wales, was turned away from the Metro Hotel in Woking, Surrey.
He had travelled to the area to help with preparations for the funeral of a friend killed in action and needed to stay over night.
After showing his army pass when asked for identification by the hotel's receptionist, Cpl Stringer was told "we don't accept military personnel here" and that this was "company policy".

The poor bugger ended up sleeping in his car.

Metro Hotels apparently refuse to discuss the matter.

Now, as a good libertarian type, I have to say that, if this is indeed company policy, Metro Hotels should have every right to refuse service to whomsoever they please*. That being said, I also have every right to refuse Metro Hotels my custom. I also have every right to try and persuade anyone who will listen to do the same.

Rest assured I shall be exercising my rights at every opportunity:

*Though if they had a policy of excluding persons of colour I imagine there would be one hell of a kerfuffle.

METRO HOTELS DO NOT RECOGNISE THE SACRIFICES OF BRITISH SERVICE PERSONNEL

RM POLITELY REQUESTS THAT YOU DON’T RECOGNISE METRO HOTELS WITH YOUR CUSTOM

HELLO AGAIN

2008-09-04T20:10:00.002Z

So once again we are back, and for me this is Friday. Not because I've magically lept time zones or anything, but tomorrow I'm heading off for a long weekend in the country. Three days of indolence and sloth seasoned with a hearty dash of pure, unadulterated laziness. Personally I can't imagine anything better.

Anyway, before I get too carried away, let's get down to business.

First up, today's lady with a nice bottom.

AH! SODDIT!

2008-09-03T18:03:00.006Z

Noting the post below, it is with a somewhat wry smile I record that today is Secretaries’ Day.

I know it’s just another Hallmark Holiday designed to boost the profits of gift shop owners and florists, but to show our appreciation for them, Gentlemen, please raise your glasses in appreciation of the hard pressed secretaries of the world.

And on that note, I shall bid you all goodnight. Carry on Risaldar-Major.

AND TODAY'S "NO SHIT SHERLOCK" AWARD GOES TO ....

2008-09-03T17:58:00.002Z

... THE SUB-EDITORS AT THE TELEGRAPH FOR THIS EFFORT

Employers may stop giving jobs to women because the cost of maternity leave and temp cover is set to double, legal experts have warned.

With the right to maternity leave doubling to 12 months and the eu imposing rules that grant temps the same perks as full-time employees, if I were running a business in the UK* I too would think twice about hiring a woman under the age of 45.

Honestly! Do the imbeciles who claim to represent the public actually think about the likely consequences of their actions before voting?

You can legislate as much as you like about employment equity, but if you make it punitively expensive to employ certain people - they ain't going to be flippin' hired. Life is that simple.

*An unlikely prospect anyway given the plethora of interfering rules and regulations imposed on companies nowadays.

DO WHAT?

2008-09-03T17:57:00.000Z

British people could be convicted in their absence by foreign courts, under proposals approved by the European Parliament.

Yep, that’s right, that bastion of human rights and moral rectitude, the eu parliament, has voted to allow people to be tried in absentia, just like what happens in banana republics and dictatorships. What’s worse, if some poor bugger is convicted in absentia, a euro-arrest warrant can then be issued and the poor sucker can be extradited toot sweet, sans the benefit of any extradition hearing in his own country. The euro MPs claim that any extraditee would then be eligible for a retrial, but can one honestly take their word this will be a safeguard? Particularly when the ue is making moves to have vague thought crimes like “xenophobia” and “failure to support the aims of the union” made criminal.

One might have thought that this would be accepted by people used to the judicial system prevalent across the Channel but even the European Criminal Bar Association is against this idea.

Indeed, the ultimate, bitter irony is, while the Napoleonic Code types are against it, the British government (supposed guardian of a legal code that holds central concepts like habeus corpus and the right to a trial by one’s peers) actually co-sponsored this piece of illiberal ~~lawmaking~~ shit.

Holy flippin heck! When can we rid ourselves of this bunch of cretins? And when can we leave the sodding eu?

GOOD NEWS – BUT A WORRYING TREND

2008-09-03T17:51:00.002Z

The Telegraph is reporting that British troops have successfully conducted a major operation to get replacement parts to a hydro-electric power station in Afghanistan.

The western powers and Afghan government regard an operational Kajaki Dam as a vital factor in bringing some sort of stability to that country so the delivery of a third turbine should be seen as a major success. But I do have a couple of concerns.

Firstly the operation required 5,000 troops, armoured vehicles and air support to get the turbines to the dam. I’m not saying that this was unnecessary, just that if such a force was needed, it’s a sign that things still have a long way to go. The relatively trouble free advance of an armoured brigade through territory held by lightly armed, if determined, guerillas can’t really be counted a major success. Guerillas have the luxury of picking and choosing their targets and unless forced, or in a position of overwhelming advantage, they don’t usually take on the full might of their opponents.

Secondly, and perhaps more worryingly, the mission’s success is being hailed in terms of the number of Taliban killed. At the moment I suspect that this is down to an intellectually challenged media looking for eye-catching headlines, but it is a dangerous measure to promote. In Vietnam, one of the problems was that the US military command became fixated on body counts as a measure of success ignoring other, more important measures.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m in favour of slotting islamoloonies whenever and wherever they can be found. I just don’t think sending a never ending procession of deluded fuckwits to their heavenly bordello should be confused with the ultimate objective – developing countries where islamoloonies aren’t created in the first place.

Much as the more aggressively minded might dislike it, Generals Sir Harold Briggs and Gerald Templar got it right when they stipulated that in an anti-terrorist campaign the military aspects take second place to the social, economic and political. I would suggest that growing pile of enemy corpses is neither a social, economic nor political yardstick, except perhaps in a negative sense.

AN INTERPRETATION OF WHICH THEY DIDN’T THINK

2008-09-03T17:44:00.002Z

Figurines shaped like phalluses have emerged from excavations in the north of Israel, surprising archaeologists because of their thrusting, macho nature.

Predictably these are being interpreted as fertility symbols, and this find is being interpreted with all sorts of psychobabble, but I can’t help wonder if there isn’t another explanation.

Might these finds not be evidence of a prehistoric sex toy industry - a sort of Neanderthal Non-Doctor, if you will?

Just a thought. I mean we have to keep an open mind about this sort of thing.

Picture gratuitously blagged from The Telegraph

CHUFFING BUNNY HUGGERS

2008-09-03T17:35:00.003Z

The Ministry of Defence is "actively looking for alternatives" to the real bearskin hats worn by guards at Buckingham Palace.

Apparently this is all because the bunny huggers at PETA (Europe) have decided that Her Majesty’s Foot Guards must not wear dead bears on their heads. The buggers are even suggesting that Vivian Westwood, of all people, designs some “alternative” form of headgear. The Good Lord alone knows what that mad-bat might devise, but military I suspect it will not be.

Quite apart from the fact that they have absolutely fuck all right to dictate how the men who protect their freedom to wear fairtrade tofu sandals should dress, PETA’s campaign also demonstrates a clear lack of knowledge about that which they protest.

Canadian brown bears are not specifically killed and peeled to make the Guardmens’ bearskins (not “busbies” as the Telegraph incorrectly calls them). Instead the few skins used annually come from the large number of animals culled each year as part of the Canadian government’s wildlife management programme. Banning the Guards from wearing bearskins will not save one teddy bear from an untimely demise.

I can’t help thinking that the best solution all round would be for the MoD to tell PETA to fuck off. Then reinforce the point by sending a few lads from Wellington Barracks round to persuade the numpties they’d be better off if they stuck to riding ethnic peace bicycles.

GOOD EVENING ONCE AGAIN

2008-09-03T17:30:00.004Z

Once more we are off with a day full of numptiness upon which your humble correspondent can pour scorn. Indeed one of the few satisfactions of being an angry blogger is that the world seems intent on providing me with an endless supply of raw material.

Anyway, here's a rather jolly picture of a pair of sporty type lasses with which to start.

AH WELL

2008-09-02T19:37:00.006Z

It's time for Top Gear, so, if you will excuse me, I'm off. Here are some ladies in Lingerie to keep you entertained until next time.

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar-Major

MORE CLIMATE CHANGE HOT AIR?

2008-09-02T19:04:00.002Z

The past decade was the hottest in the northern hemisphere for at least 1,300 years, scientists have found.

With a lack of widespread climate records from thermometers before the mid 19th century, scientists have generally used data from tree-rings to look at climate change in the distant past.

However, a new study in published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science made a more detailed study by adding other natural climate archives such as corals, ice core samples and sediment.

Okay, nothing glaringly wrong so far. So let's continue.

"Some have argued that tree-ring data is unacceptable for this type of study," said Michael Mann, who led the research team at Penn State's Earth System Science Center.

That would be the same Michael Mann whose infamous hockey stick graph was derived from a model that would have produced the same results had it been fed the numbers from a telephone directory would it?

"Now we can eliminate tree rings and still have enough data from other so-called 'proxies' to derive a long-term Northern Hemisphere temperature record."

Good. It still doesn't answer the question about the dodgy computer model. But then comes the clincher:

If climate information from tree-rings is included, the study found the past decade was warmer than at any time in the last 1,700 years.

Anyone spot the little inconsistency here? No? Then let me help you: They still have to include the tree ring data they set out to eliminate before they get "the hottest decade since the Dark Ages"! Jumping Bloody Jehosophat on a Flaming Bike! Do these people take everyone to be absolute cretins?

Obviously they do for in conclusion:

Mr Mann said conclusions were less definitive for the southern hemisphere and for the globe as a whole because there was sparser data available for the south.

Sorry! That argument may have stood for the trees (in fact I seems to recall that it was used back when they were the only "reliable measure") but what are the South Seas famous for? It wouldn't it be coral reefs and atolls, would it? And what about the world's largest continent covered in ice? A place with probably more permanent ice research stations than any other on earth. And as for sediment, that's just a fancy name for mud, and believe me there's plenty enough of that south of the equator*.

Could it be that the more reliable data (coral, sediment and ice) might be revealing some inconvenient truths that Messrs Mann et al would rather not be seen?

*You only have to look at my dogs after a long walk during the rainy season.

RAF TAKE BACK THE STREETS OF STAMFORD

2008-09-02T18:42:00.004Z

Six months after being told not to wear their uniforms in public out of fear of offending some people*, 3 Sqdn, RAF, staged a parade through the streets of the town to mark its return from Afghanistan.

Shades of Mad Mitch and his Argylls retaking Crater methinks and just as heartwarming to see.

*I think we can all guess who that means

SNIGGER

2008-09-02T18:27:00.002Z

Lauren Booth, a human rights activist who is also Tony Blair's sister-in-law, said she is effectively trapped inside Gaza after being prevented by Israeli and Egyptian authorities from leaving.

Apparently Booth plus several other "activists" arrived in Gaza on some sort of ethnic peace boat a couple of weeks ago. But then she decided not to leave when the boat left. Now, stranded, nobody seems to want to let her out.

"When I went to the Israeli checkpoint I was threatened with being shot four times," she said from a house in Gaza City.

"And when I went to the Rafah crossing (into Egypt) I had all the permission lined up at the top level but a lowly official stopped me from leaving."

You'll note the outraged tone that gets adopted when it's some "lowly" official who gets in her ladyship's way. I wouldn't mind betting she was on the point of calling him a jumped up little wog to boot.

The outraged sense of entitlement these leftie fuckwits possess! One really would have to have a heart of stone not to find this situation funny. My only sympathy lies with the poor old Gazans who now find themselves hosting a woman who sounds ever but as awful as her sister, Cherry.

POLICE COMMUNITY SUPPORT OFFICERS ARE NOT POLICING ON THE CHEAP

2008-09-02T18:12:00.002Z

At least that’s what the government faithfully assured the public when the plastic plods were introduced.

Now what do we learn?

Community support officers should do more police work in order to save money, Home Office officials have suggested.

In a letter from the Home Secretary to the PM it was said that:

"We have a robust position on expecting the police service to maximise efficiency gains including workforce reforms that will also see changes to workforce mix, of the kind that will reduce cost pressures eg greater deployment for suitable tasks of grades such as PCSOs that are cheaper than Police Officers."

This when the same paper is reporting that the police take two hours to respond to 999 calls from a property only yards from a station. And before anyone claims that PCSOs might help, it is reported:

The terrified victim said that while he was waiting for the police to arrive he saw one officer walk past his shop and into a nearby bakery.

The mendacity and duplicity of these bastards is getting beyond a joke! They treat the public with contempt, lie about everything and seem solely interested in maintaining their sweaty grip on the privileges of office for as long as possible. And their attitude is permeating every level of the public service.

Dear God! When will the madness end?

THE WEATHER AND GLOBAL WARMING

2008-09-02T18:00:00.002Z

I must say that an item on this morning’s wireless news gave me cause to chuckle. Over the weekend severe storms struck the Western Cape causing a lot of damage and flooding. Now obviously this is not a matter that would make even your hard hearted correspondent roll on the floor laughing his ass off, but the efforts of the SABC news team certainly did.

The programme had enlisted a chap from the SA weather service to give his opinions and right from the start it was clear what the presenters wanted him to say. Equally the weather man adamantly refused to blame all those naughty carbon dioxides sticking to his line that while not an everyday event, these storms weren't exactly uncommon. Eventually the producers cut to the sport, obviously in the hope the Wallaby coach would blame CO2 for his side's defeat by the Springboks on Saturday.

And this seems to be the line taken when reporting any weather related phenomenon nowadays. It’s like everyone’s under the delusion that the weather fifty years ago was entirely benign.

Take the floods in Bihar. As The Telegraph helpfully notes:

Some experts blamed the disaster on unusually heavy monsoon rains caused by global warming.

But ever since I can remember the people of Eastern India and Bangladesh have pretty much spent every monsoon season swimming around in muddy water. Back when I was young (before Carbon Dioxide was declared something worse than plant food) this used to be blamed on deforestation and the increasing numbers of people moving to richer low lying areas.

To their credit, at least the writers on the Barclay Bugle admit that other experts blame “the authorities responsible for not taking adequate measures to anticipate the disaster and plan relief operations in a region hit by flooding almost every year,” but even so ....

Let’s get this straight: Global warming may or may not be a fact. I have my doubts and I have bigger doubts that it is man made, but I’ll allow it could be possible. On the other hand the hysterical impulse to blame every rainy afternoon or cold snap on Anthropomorphic Global Warming is getting ridiculous. It’s embarrassing to watch supposedly intelligent human beings lose their logical faculties and, quite frankly, does nobody any favours. Stop it!

MORE SARAH PALIN

2008-09-02T17:48:00.003Z

I must say that reading the news, the selection of Sarah Palin as McCain’s VP candidate seems to have scared the sherbet out of the US left and offended the bien pensants of the US and European media elite. Just look at the dirt they are all trying to dig up on the poor woman.

Her unwed daughter is pregnant by a “bad assed redneck” boyfriend.

How many other parents of teenaged daughters have had similar problems? Or even near misses? Besides which it actually appears that the supposed bad boy redneck is simply a bit of a hockey jock prone to making inappropriate comments on his facebook website and a penchant for camping, being with his chums and poaching the odd salmon out of season. I would suggest that these are simply traits fairly common amongst 18 year olds and hardly merit the death penalty. Besides, the lad’s apparently doing the decent thing and marrying Ms Palin.

And then there's:

Sarah Palin was in the Alaskan Independence Party

The inference being that she’s all for the breakup of the republic.

Lynette Clark, the chairman of the Alaskan Independence Party (AIP), confirmed to ABC News that Mrs Palin and her husband Todd had both been both members and attended at least one party convention.

It’s only later in the article we learn that the Palins resigned from the party in 1996. Governor Palin did gave a speech at the party’s conference last year during which she said: "I share your party's vision of upholding the constitution of our great state," but I think you’d have to be more than screaming batshit demented to find a whiff of high treason in that statement.

What’s more, it doesn’t seem unusual in libertarian leaning Alaska for republicans to sympathise with the AIP. Wikipedia notes that a former Republican governor, Wally Hickel, actually left the party, joined the AIP and got re-elected on their ticket and then rejoined the Republicans.

Maybe it’s about time the team running the Federal government contained at least one person who appears to be ideologically inclined to limit its intrusions anyway.

These are just two of the latest attacks, from a supposedly right of centre newspaper. I’ll readily admit I know next to bugger all about US politics, and for all I know Mrs Palin could be running the world’s largest white slavery operation out of the gubernatorial residence in Juneau; but so far these charges appear to have little or no real substance.

Indeed they seem to bear all the hallmarks of a media and establishment elite scared witless and deeply offended that a woman of modest background should be so uppity as to reject the “benign ideology” of the left and campaign as a Republican.

GOLLY GOSH!

2008-09-02T17:37:00.002Z

Posting two days in a row: now there’s a novelty given conditions over the past few weeks.

Anyway, taking advantage of this apparent return to normality (for the ignorant cretins in government/MSM/elsewhere is the correct word to use, not that fucking illiterate construction, “normalcy”, which I see is becoming so prevalent) here is today’s outpouring of rage, cynicism and your humble correspondent’s own, unique perspective on the world.

But before we continue, please show your appreciation for this particularly attractive young lady and her delightful derriere.

OH WELL. THAT'S ENOUGH BLATHERING FOR ONE DAY

2008-09-01T18:27:00.010Z

But, before I do go, to mark the candidacy of Governatrix Palin , how about some mooi aunties to round things off?

And since it's been a while, how about some more?

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar-Major.

THAT ELECTION

2008-09-01T18:09:00.002Z

So John McCain has chosen Sarah Palin, as his running mate. As I’ve often confessed, I know next to nothing about US politics, but once again I have to take my hat off to Senator McCain; it seems Governatrix Palin is heartily approved of by the more libertarian wing of the Republican Party. Reputedly she has successfully fought corruption within her own state party and been a resolute opponent of pork barrel politics. She’s also a lady who believes in the right of the individual to own guns, and as you might have guessed, your humble correspondent is very much in favour of ladies owning guns. Thus it appears that she is A GOOD THING.

But let’s face it; I am a base and shallow type and thus do not give my endorsement to every Tom Dick and Sally, regardless of their political rectitude. However once again McCain has shown his wisdom and La Gov meets all my requirements for political candidacy – she’s not uncomfortable on the eye. As another of RM’s gun toting lady friends says: She looks like ...

... a MILF, who could easily be mistaken for a cute, naughty librarian

She also goes fishing, owns a float plane and does all sorts of other action girlie type stuff too.

Methinks RM needs a cold shower.

PLEASE TELL ME IF I’M WRONG HERE, BUT …..

2008-09-01T18:07:00.000Z

... didn’t the government make a huge pallaver about introducing a clean up the hospitals campaign a few years ago? Weren’t armies of “cleaning standards managers” and “superbug eradication specialists” recruited? So how come we now read headlines like this?

Deaths linked to Clostridium difficile infection double in two years.

That’s going to poke the PM in the eye. The Telegraph helpfully reminds us that earlier this year he pledged to cut C. diff infections by 30% before 2011. I guess he’s going to have to cut the number of cases by 130% now.

Then again, he’s probably not that worried; his chances of being around to actually face the music in 2011 don’t look that great. Not that this is going to help the poor buggers dropping like flies; but since when did governments actually care about Joe Public except at election time?

IT’S NICE TO SEE THE TORIES PREPARING FOR GOVERNMENT

2008-09-01T18:04:00.000Z

Sadly, if this is anything to go by, it appears they are doing it by following NuLabour’s lead and making idiotic statements about things that are no business of the state’s.

Obese children will be exposed to “positive peer pressure” to encourage them to lose weight under Conservative proposals to make young people take more responsibility for the health.

Anyone who’s ever attended school will know that after the ginger kid who smelt funny, the class tubbies were always the first to get picked upon. Generation after generation of Billy and Betsy Bunters have endured the benefits of “peer pressure” from their fellows. I don’t see much evidence that it’s worked despite the fact that schoolyard bullying is likely to be far more effective (if less nice) than touchy feely, psychobabble inspired nonsense.

Leaving aside the whiff of bullying that this concept carries with it, can one seriously believe that this is going to work?

OF EUROS, GOLD SALES AND BABY SEALS

2008-09-01T17:55:00.001Z

Many years and a couple of employers ago the mine at which I worked employed various contractors to do odd jobs about the place. Typically contractors get employed by quoting the lowest price they can with the intention of actually making a profit by claiming anything they can as “exceptions”. One of my jobs was to go through the monthly barrage of claims and filter out the dubious ones (insert “hopeful”, “exaggerated”, “inflated”, “ambitious”, “as kosher as a pork chop” or “downright criminally fraudulent” here, according to your mood) before clearing the rest for payment.

With most of the contractors this developed into quite an amusing and challenging game as they adjusted their claims procedures to match my ever developing bullshit detection abilities. But there was one contractor who just did not get it. Every month he’d submit the same old load of bollox in the same old way and become confused and distressed when I rejected it with the same old callous ease*. Indeed so easy was it to beat his claims to death, the file in which they were archived soon gained a rather colourful sobriquet.

“But RM,” I hear you say, “fascinating as your reminiscences undoubtedly are, what the chuff does this have to do with the price of virgin brides?”

“Simple,” I reply. “For some reason, whenever I see the name, Neil Harding, I get this mental flashback to that same contractor’s permanently disappointed face and the file known as ‘The Graveyard of Baby Seals’”.

So it’s sort of comforting to report that his latest offering meets all expectations.

Neil’s bugbear du jour is how Britain has lost millions by not joining the euro and to introduce his post he talks about Gordon Brown’s infamous sales of 415 tons of gold back in 1999.

Centre-right Euro-sceptics love to go on about how......
Gordon Brown sold our Gold at a low price (he actually swapped it for Euro currency that has vastly appreciated and as Gold is priced in the plummeting dollar we have lost very little.

Let’s leave comments about the wisdom of pre-announcing one’s intention to sell gold and just deal with Neil’s last contention: That in buying currency with gold, Britain lost very little. Because there are so many variables at play here, the trick is to convert everything back to constant terms. Since we are talking about British assets let’s put everything back into good, old-fashioned pounds, shillings and pence (or at least pounds as they were valued at the time of the sale).

The actual gold sales took place between 2000 and 2001; at the end of 2000 the gold price was $275 per ounce. The USD:GBP exchange rate at that time was 1.495 which means the sale of 1 ounce would have yielded £184.

Today gold is selling for $829 per ounce and the exchange rate is 1.839 which means that had Gordon not sold that ounce it would now be worth £451. But that’s in 2008 money terms. Converting back to Y2K** money terms this would be £370 and represents a real increase in value of 101%.

But Gordon did sell that ounce (and a shed load more) and, as noted above, he converted them into euros, dollars and yens.

At the end of 2000 that ounce would have yielded Mr Brown $275. Thanks to this splendid site we can get the $:euro and $:yen exchange rates for that time. Using the exchange rates for 29th Dec 2000 and assuming the BoE bought those currencies according to the planned 40:40:20 ratio, $275 would have bought Mr Brown 117 euros, 110 dollars and 6,289 yens.

Moving forward and using yesterday’s exchange rates (from the same site) we can see that those euros, dollars and yens are now worth £185. In 2000 money terms that’s £152 or a real value LOSS of 18%.

But what if Gordon the Amazing Financial Genius had bought only euros instead of trying to hedge his bets? Would he have done better had he trusted the euro dream?

Back in 2000 one ounce of gold would have bought him 293 euros. Today those euros would be worth £234. Taking those Y2K+8 pounds back to Y2K terms means those euros would be worth £191. That’s a value increase of 4% over 8 years, hardly a brilliant ROI in my book.

So far from costing Britain little or nothing, it appears Gordon Brown’s decision to convert gold into paper looks to have cost the nation more than £186 per ounce. There are 32,151 troy ounces in one metric ton. Gordon sold 415 (presumably metric) tons. By my maths that means his decision cost the country £2.5 Billion in real lost asset value.

With the greatest respect to Neil, I would suggest that two and a half billion quid is a significant amount of money to lose. Even for a socialist as careless with other people’s money as Gordon Brown.

*The one time he did submit a dodgy claim in a more imaginative manner I still spotted it, but, in a moment of magnanimity, decided to let it pass; it was for a tiny amount and I felt any sign of improvement deserved encouragement. Ironically he never used that or any other novel ruse again, preferring to stick to the tried and tested (and failed) ways with which he was comfortable – I guess there’s no helping some people.
**Assuming a constant 2.5% rate of inflation since Dec 2000.

DID I MISS THE MEMO OR SOMETHING?

2008-09-01T17:48:00.000Z

Has April Fool’s Day been moved to the end of August?

Private security staff, council wardens and football stewards may be given the power to issue on-the-spot fines for public disorder.
A Home Office plan, which chief constables are considering, comes after an admission that in some parts of the country people see police enforcement as excessive

So, the rationale behind this moronic scheme is because people find police enforcement excessive.

What fucking planet are these morons inhabiting?

Of course people are finding the enforcement of all NuLabour’s petty regulations excessive, and yes, they are directing their ire at the police because the police officers are the legitimate means to enforcing them. But can someone please tell me how changing the uniform of the enforcer is suddenly going to make that enforcement more acceptable?

You could appoint the chuffing Sally Army or the cast of Rainbow to hand out on-the-spot fines for littering and confiscate booze from the under-18s, the public still aren’t going to like it.

For fuck’s sakes! Why can’t these numpties get it into their thick skulls? It’s not the people doing the enforcing that are the problem (well not directly), it’s the plethora of petty regulations and minor interferences inflicted on the public by the most nitpicking and petty minded government in British history.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Why would it be a crime to string fuckwits like this from lamp posts? It should be a civic responsibility.

ONE OF THOSE MEME THINGS

2008-09-01T17:45:00.001Z

I see via Guido that Iain has started one of those meme thingies where fellow bloggers tag one another to answer a series of questions. As some people will know I am ideologically opposed to this forced aspect of blogging, so to spare anyone embarrassment I’ll answer this one voluntarily:

Where was I when I heard about …

… the death of Diana, the Princess of Wales? In my kitchen, making coffee and pondering that essential question: “How do I discover the name of the girl I just woke up next to?” Fortunately the emotional impact of the events on my anonymous houseguest was sufficient for me not to worry.

… Margaret Thatcher’s resignation? The mess of a mine singles quarters, somewhere in SA, grimly contemplating yet another evening meal of cold collations and salad on account of the kitchen staff still being on strike. I rather hoped my then employers would fire the entire HR department and offer Mrs T the job of sorting out our unions.

… the attack on the Twin Towers? The international departure lounge of Jan Smuts Airport, with a ticket to Dubai in my sweaty mitt. My first thought* was: “Only in SA would they screen reruns of the Airport movies in a departure lounge”.

… England’s World Cup Semi-Final v Germany July 1990? The World Cup was in 1991 not 1990 and it couldn’t have been against the Germans; they don’t play rugby.

… President Kennedy’s Assassination? I wasn’t even a twinkle in the under gardener’s eye when ~~the men on the grassy knoll~~ Lee Harvey Oswald slotted Saint Jack.

*Before I recognised the CNN logo at the top of the screen.

BIG CORPORATIONS. THEY ARE ALMOST AS BAD AS BIG GOVERNMENT!

2008-09-01T17:41:00.001Z

This isn’t a dig at my employers in particular, more a rage at the general ineptitude of big companies and the members HR community who appear to think Dilbert cartoons are an instruction manual.

Like many mining companies at the moment, we are experiencing problems with both recruitment and retention, especially in the technical disciplines. The massive hike in commodity prices over the past couple of years has driven a huge expansion within the industry. My new boss (not the High Priest, the one at the mine) has recognised this as one of his main challenges and is determined to address the problem. He’s certainly put rockets up the bums of those tasked with finding new recruits and judging by the number of cv’s we’re getting, it’s a device that works. Now he’s turning his attention to the problem of hanging onto people once we’ve ~~snared~~, ~~trapped~~ attracted them.

At weekly prayers last week we were discussing this. There was universal agreement that while money played a role, it was not the only cause of people leaving. Unfortunately theories varied as to what the other reasons might be. Then some bright spark suggested that since when people desert the company they get asked why, El Jefe Nuevo call HR and request the transcripts of all the exit interviews held over the past twelve months; perhaps this might reveal some common threads that could be addressed.

Such a brilliant idea did he think this was, the boss did so. Right there, right then. At which point, the flaw in the scheme’s brilliance was exposed.

Yes, the HR totty at the other end of the line agreed, exit interviews were indeed mandatory whenever someone left our employ and, yes, transcripts were made. Unfortunately, for reasons known only unto HR and God*, these transcripts are neither circulated, collated nor stored in a readily accessible form (if at all).

Our weekly departmental meeting ended with a resounding tattoo as several grown men banged their heads repeatedly against the boardroom table.

*And even The Almighty may not be entirely in the loop on this one.

SPEAKING OF THE OLYMPICS

2008-09-01T17:39:00.000Z

Can anyone tell me why, as part of the hand over ceremony from China to Britain, a Routemaster bus played a central role? Weren’t the iconic, double-decker, red buses, so emblematic of London, decommissioned by the socialists in yet another effort to deny England her identity?

Surely a bendy-bus backing and filling its way into the stadium, flattening the odd cyclist before bursting into flames would have been more appropriate.

FIRST UP - THE OLYMPICS

2008-09-01T17:17:00.005Z

Or, as I prefer to think of it: The Lady's Beach Volleyball Championship with interruptions.

Now, I could go on about how all the sports at which Britain succeeded were not those into which HMG has poured billions. I could also note that many they represented skills most likely to be found amongst the upper class and warlike (riding neds and sailing men-o-war). I could even gloat at Britain beating a collection of convicts and sheep worriers in gong gathering. But I shan't.

Instead I would like to draw your attention to something else - Gordon Brown's Jonah Effect. Yep, finally after much debate and speculation, I believe I can demonstrate that it is fact.

Using the daily results published in The Times I was able to get a complete record of who got what. I then took each event and gave the medals won by Brits the following scores: Gold 3, Silver 2 and Bronze 1. Thus it was easy to deduce Britain’s percentage score; a gold would mean 3/6 and hence 50% and so on.

I then did this for every event up to the Thursday before Gordon arrived in Peking and found that British athletes were scoring at an average rate of more than 6%. After Gordon arrived in the Chinese capital, the rate dropped to 3%.

So there you have it: Gordon Brown arrives and British performance halves. Coincidence? I think not.

WAHEEEEEEY!

2008-09-01T16:59:00.004Z

Thanks to much prayer and many threatening phone calls it appears Telkom/my ISP/Lord knows who have finally sorted out SA's interweb links with the outside world. I really was on the point of despair and had even begun to contemplate constructing my own satellite dish.

Anyway, without further ado (and before someone somewhere realises they have done something incredibly stupid) I shall try and update you all on my thoughts over the past week or so, for even if I have been unable to post, the old rage glands have not been inactive.

But before we continue, I think a bountiful offering to the gods of Blogistan is in order.

IT’S OFFICIAL

2008-08-22T22:13:00.000Z

The Greatest Chancellor Like For Ever, the man who abolished boom and bust, will now, in all likelihood, have to take the blame for a recession.

Gross domestic product did not grow at all in the second quarter, the Office for National Statistics revealed.

Jonathan Loynes, chief economist at Capital Economics, said: "The economy now looks set to grow by just 1.2pc or so this year, with a very strong chance of a technical recession in the second half. And things will be considerably worse in 2009."

Of course, Gordon Brown is a past master at claiming the successes of other people for his own and deflecting blame for his own mistakes onto others. But having spent most of the last 11 years telling anyone who would listen that he and only he was responsible for the longest continuous period of economic growth in British history, it’s going to be interesting to see how he deflects the blame for the downturn.

I realise I shouldn’t gloat. I have friends and family in the UK who will suffer the effects of this far more than the PM and the crowd of overpaid, over protected buffoons he calls a government. What’s more, the same gloomy economic conditions are forecast for this part of the world too. But watching Brown being forced to eat his words and take the right royal shafting from the electorate he so richly deserves will be a consolation; one of which I intend to take every advantage.

BRITAIN FAILS VOTE OF CONFIDENCE

2008-08-22T22:12:00.000Z

Given that uprooting one’s self from one’s home and leaving, possibly for ever, behind one’s roots is a major undertaking. I know, I’ve done it. But given that it is such a big decision, one could say that the amount of immigration into a country is a measure of that place’s success.

Obviously a First World country is going to attract an awful lot of Third World people, the difference in economic and social conditions is simply too great for any but a massive downturn in the receiving nation to have any effect. A more meaningful measure would be to look at people who come from a similar (if less advantaged) background in terms of education, culture and so on. Which is what makes this report in The Times interesting.

Immigration from eight former Soviet bloc states has fallen steadily since last autumn, according to figures published by the Home Office yesterday.

Even Bulgarians and Rumanians are less inclined to apply for work permits.

Having observed this trend, one then needs to start looking around to see what was going wrong at that time it started or just before.

My recollection is that Gordon Brown took over as PM at about this time last year. Coincidence?

MORE LEAKS THAN A WELSH WET DREAM

2008-08-22T22:09:00.000Z

Confidential records and sensitive intelligence on tens of thousands of the country’s most prolific criminals have been lost in a major breach of data security at the heart of Whitehall.
Scotland Yard is investigating the loss of the information, which was taken from the Police National Computer and entrusted by the Home Office to a private consultancy firm.

According to The Times, the personal details and intelligence on 33,000 serious offenders, dossiers on 10,000 “priority criminals” and the names and dates of birth of all 84,000 prisoners in England and Wales. There is also information on an unspecified number of people enlisted on drug intervention programmes. Pretty confidential information, I would think, and doubtless of some value to other persons of a criminal disposition.

But quite apart from this obvious breach of security, once again HMG has displayed exactly why it cannot be entrusted with the personal data of anybody, let alone the entire population.

Naturally some apologists for the apparat will try and defend this by saying that this time, it was a consulting firm that lost the data, not the state. To which I reply: So what?

According to government plans, the National Identity Database and the running of the ID card system will also be entrusted to private contractors. That means numpties of equal potential idiocy will have access to this sort of information not just on criminals but every man, woman and child in the UK (except crooks, terrorists, illegal immigrants, foreign students, tourists, foreign businessmen and truck drivers of course).

Even if this were an isolated incident it would be bad enough, but since I started blogging just over two years ago the catalogue of data losses is frightening. Off the top of my head I can remember this collection of cockups:

The loss of the tax and financial details of 25 million
The revelation that the personal details of doctors in training could be accessed via the online medical training website
The loss of millions of people’s driving licence details
The loss of personal details of hundreds of thousands of applicants to the armed services
Government ministers losing information when their laptops are stolen

Doubtless there are several more*.

Ministers can promise all the reviews and tightening up of procedures they want; they are simply talking out of their arses. If it wasn’t already, it has become clear that private and sensitive data is just not safe in the hands of the state. Procedural overhauls and security reviews will be useless. What is needed is a complete review of government policy with the view to reducing the amount of information held to the barest minimum.

*The Times helpfully reminds us of a couple more examples at the bottom of this article.

HELLO :-)

2008-08-22T21:58:00.005Z

This evening finds your humble correspondent somewhat worse for wear on account of him spending the last few hours bidding goodbye to his former boss and then consuming the better part of a bottle of Johnny Walker Black with his new one.

So without further ado let's get on with the show.

2008-08-21T19:55:00.003Z

In continued defiance of the recently imposed ASBO here are some ladies in lingerie.

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar-Major.

PRAT!

2008-08-21T19:46:00.003Z

Usain Bolt did not act in the "spirit of the Olympic ideal" during his world record-breaking performances and failed to show respect to his rivals, the IOC president Jacques Rogge has said.

So the guy got a bit cheeky as he steamed ahead of his rivals. How is that contrary to the spirit of the Olympic ideal? Back in the days of the real Olympics there were no prizes for second place and defeated athletes returned home in shame while the winners paraded around acting like demi-gods.

Perhaps the bitter memory of Mr Bolt’s supposed arrogance and immaturity will spur future opponents to make the little bit of extra effort needed to be “faster, higher, more drugged up" as the Olympic motto urges them.

In the meantime, all due congratulations to the Man from Jamaica.

COULDN’T GET LAID IN A KNOCKSHOP ON FREEBIE NIGHT

2008-08-21T19:13:00.002Z

Via Guido our attention is drawn to an article by Dizzy about yet another cockup on the Downing Street website*.

According to Dizzy, the fuck knuckles in Downing Street seem to have outed an undercover police officer by including his mug in a photo of brave coppers being ~~forced to meet~~ rewarded by a chance to meet Gordon. The Currant Bun, publishing the same photo disguised the officer’s mush, presumably at the request of the police and presumably for valid security reasons. No 10 on the other hand published the photo with the officer’s mug there for all to see.

The picture has now been removed from the Downing Street site, but why are there no reports of some dipshit being handed his P45 but no leaving present?

Honestly! Is there anything to which this government turns its hand which does not end up proving what a bunch of incompetent fuckwits they really are?

*The same site for which it appears the No10 web team stole a web template and then tried to claim copyright.

COMPETITION TIME

2008-08-21T18:44:00.002Z

I was contemplating a caption competition to celebrate my newly returned photo publishing connectivity, but this change in status makes me think another competition is in order. I’m thinking something pretty straight forward will suffice:

Devise a suitable “battle cry” for the campaign against the bansturbators. Historical parallels would be good. Humourous corruptions of movie buzz phrases of defiance even better.

As usual, RM’s African Rules* apply with the winner to be announced towards the end of next week. The winning entry (with accreditation) to go into the masthead (that’s the title block at the top of the page) for at least a fortnight.

Send your entries, on a postcard, to the usual place (that’s the comments section, if you hadn’t already realised).

*One man, one vote. I am that man and I have that vote. If you don’t like it, please make an appointment for a chat with Chief Inspector Mzi and his big stick.

HEHE! YET ANOTHER NOTABLE BLOGGIE MILESTONE

2008-08-21T18:19:00.007Z

His readership continues upwards, his site even gets listed on people's top 100 surveys . What more could a wingnut blogger ask for? Why a Google ASBO of course!

As you might have noticed sometime last night this site was flagged “objectionable” by someone*. Given the style and content of things round here, I am not exactly surprised. and even slightly amazed it took so long. What does disappoint me, however, me is that the puritanical reincarnation of Thomas Bowdler who precipitated this didn’t have the guts even to leave a message before going for the nuclear option. Then, such is often the way with sneaks, killjoys and bansturbators: they frequently lack the courage to put their names to their handiwork.

But I refuse to be daunted. I shall view this as just another affirmation that I must be doing something right and the imposition of a warning page as a signal honour. [Assume Churchillian posture and tone]:

We shall not be beaten. We refuse to be cowed by the forces of petty mindedness and restriction. We shall not be driven into the night by those who hold blandness and conformity dear. Instead we shall stand up and proudly hold the torch of freedom aloft as a beacon of free speech and liberty (and totty), crying the immortal words:

“Fuck them! With knobs on.”

Now, if you’ll bear with me once again, I shall now enter into consultations with someone who has trod this path before. Hopefully, with his guidance kwaRemittance will be offering unhindered access once again in the near future. In the meantime, as a sign of your continued support for our particular brand of infotainment, please keep clicking past the warning message and please enjoy this picture of a lady with a very attractive behind.

*The irony of this finally occuring after a period of absence from the web and an even longer period of not being able to post pictures is not lost on your humble correspondent.

OH WELL

2008-08-20T17:28:00.006Z

That's the backlog of posts cleared. Hopefully I will be returning with some more topical comment, spite and bile on the morrow. Unless of course, Mr Telkom, my ISP or any other bugger has yet more nefarious plans up his sleeve.

Anyway, until the morn, seeing as Britain has done quite well in the splashing around bit of the Peking Olympics, here's some ladies in swimwear:

Goodnight everyone. Carry on Risaldar-Major.

ONE MESSAGE THAT DOES SEEM TO BE GAINING MOMENTUM

2008-08-20T17:17:00.002Z

One of the frustrations with watching HMG over the past eleven years has been the supine reaction of the populace to the continued erosion of basic freedoms. For whatever reasons (and I’m sure we can debate them at length), the public and MSM have, on the whole, accepted every restriction and imposition without complaint.

But I am wondering whether this situation is not starting to change. Sure, the idiots of the chattering classes* may still think that sacrificing small freedoms "for the greater good" is okay, but it appears more and more people are realising just how much this government has eroded the natural rights of freeborn Brits. The signs are quite small at the moment, but, at least to my mind, no less significant. Take this news from Monday’s Telegraph for instance:

When Gordon Brown called on the British Library to stage an exhibition about Britishness he perhaps envisaged a patriotic celebration of the national identity.
What he would not have expected is the resulting event, Taking Liberties, which encourages visitors to contemplate the perilous state of civil liberties in modern Britain under his Government.

Talk about a kick in the teeth for Snotty and his illiberal crowd of authoritarian fuckwits. Who’s willing to bet that another prime ministerial mobile met its demise in an unplanned, high-speed, wall-communications apparatus, interface occurrence?

BTW

These cellphones Gordo’s reported to hurl at walls in moments of frustration. Is this an approved method of disposal for electronic communications apparatus? What do the relevant eu directives say? Do you think I should ask that question on the bright and shiny new Downing Street website?

*H/T The Englishman

ROAD PRICING BACK ON THE AGENDA

2008-08-20T17:11:00.002Z

If The Telegraph is to be believed, it looks that HMG is trying to get the controversial road pricing scheme back on the agenda. This, despite it being dropped officially and Gordon Brown making it known he was against the scheme.

Strange as it may seem I actually think that road pricing is probably the most fair way of paying for the upkeep of Britain’s roads. Theoretically. The problem is that like many schemes which may sound wonderful in the dreamy common rooms of academia (for some reason socialism springs to mind here) the concept falls down when one considers its real world application.

The first stumbling block is that British road users are already amongst the highest taxed in the world. Fuel Duty, Vehicle Excise Duty, you name it, there is hardly an aspect of motoring from which the government doesn’t already extract vast sums of money. It’s almost a certainty that road pricing will not bring reductions in these others lucrative sources of revenue. As The Telegraph notes:

It is understood that there is greater enthusiasm in the Treasury than the Department for Transport for road pricing.

HMRC is not an organisation renowned for its keenness to give money back to the taxpayer. The private banking and personal details of every taxpayer in the land, maybe, but not money. Which brings me to my second objection:

The uses to which the government will put the information it gathers. In order to fairly apportion road usage and charge people accordingly, every trip will need to be tracked and recorded. But many people worry about what other purposes will the state will find to use the information thus collected.

Let’s be honest this government has plenty of form for misusing “intelligence” supposedly gathered for legitimate purposes but later found to be aiding less noble ones. Who’s to say they wouldn’t use road pricing data in the same way? Even if they swore blind they’d never do such things.

Just in case there are any rabid NuLabour supporters reading this, try this thought for size: Assume the socialists don’t misuse the data (difficult to contemplate, I know, but work with me here). Can anyone guarantee that some future government, regardless of alignment, won’t?

And if that argument still isn’t convincing enough, think on this: Data collected by the British government is already available to the eu. Unless the situation changes (please God), this is likely to get worse not better. Even if one trusts this and all future British governments not to misuse road pricing information; can you say the same for the Albanians? Or the French?

GOVERNMENT WASTE

2008-08-20T17:07:00.001Z

Via DK we learn that the new Downing Street website is causing a bit of a stir amongst some IT savvy Blogistanis. Not only does it appear that the people used by Team Gordon pinched someone's template without even a by your leave, but apparently it cost £100,000. Those who understand such things reckon that the whole thing could have been set up and maintained for a very small fraction of this sum. I’m not going to join the debate over how much a website should cost because quite frankly I don’t have a clue about such things. Suffice to say the news that HMG as paid significantly over the odds for something doesn’t knock me off my chair in surprise.

The sad fact is, in my experience, this sort of thing is prevalent in most large organisations, be they public or private*. The problem is that they are so large and buy so many things that proper pricing of stuff, especially small stuff is virtually impossible.

Equally sadly, when situations like this are highlighted, the standard organisational response is to apply more controls, more bureaucracy and more centralisation. But this does not work; indeed it often increases the problem.

To my mind the only way to reduce wastage of this sort would be to trim the number of things that need to be bought to the absolute minimum, and then devolve purchasing decisions to the lowest level possible.

In governmental terms this means central government needs to drastically cut back on the number of things in which it meddles and then devolve responsibility and authority for providing the bulk of the remaining services to local authorities.

Sadly until the majority of the taxpayers and media realise this I doubt we’ll see any improvement whatsoever; too many people’s fortunes are tied to maintaining the status quo.

*Although the state is streets ahead of private industry in this regard.

AUSTRALIANS!

2008-08-20T16:55:00.005Z

To prove that dumb politicians aren’t confined to the UK, we learn this from the Telegraph:

An Australian mayor has called for ugly ladies to move to his remote mining town because of a shortage of women.
John Moloney, the Mayor of Mount Isa, said "ugly ducklings" could find happiness if they chose to settle in the Queensland town where men outnumber women five to one.

Now I don’t disbelieve his honour when he says that many ladies of … erm …. less-than-super-model-appearance … would find happiness with the love starved menfolk of Mt Isa. But I can’t help thinking that he might not find himself regretting his words for a couple of reasons.

Firstly: In my long and varied career I have had the dubious pleasure of sharing many change houses*. I shall not inflict upon you the horrific details, but believe me when I say that there are some genetic strains that need dilution not reinforcement.

And secondly: When they are sober, most miners would admit, however grudgingly, that their typical working location, general appearance and “distinctive” characters are unlikely to ever win the heart of Ms Crawford**. But they do like to dream. If all they remember of Mayor Moloney is that he filled their town with loving but ugly ducklings, he might just find himself in difficulties come election day.

So come on Mayor. There’s nothing wrong with giving the ugly sheilas a chance and all, but fair dos: Leaven the old mix and try to get your blokes some top totty too. A few ladies like this perhaps:

If you don’t, one day you might wake up and find the blokes have all buggered off to Wogga Wogga and you’ll be left with a town full of disappointed super-mega-fuglies. Not a pretty thought, I think you’ll agree.

Incidentally, I am reliably informed that some of the native ladies of Mount Isa are what one might describe as right lookers. Indeed one of my connections tells me that a couple of years ago MIM employed one lady underground loader operator who moonlighted as an exotic danseuse. Municipal morale is said to have plummeted when she decided a fulltime career on the stage was her true calling and she departed to the bright lights of Kalgoorlie.

*The flashbacks of which are likely to keep my trick cyclist in business for many years.
**Your humble correspondent being the exception that proves the rule, naturally.

JUST HOW STUPID ARE SOCIALISTS?

2008-08-20T16:53:00.001Z

Very, if one looks at the words of one Ivan Lewis, health minister. Apparently, earlier this year,

he suggested that increased taxes could be brought in for the very wealthy - probably at a rate of an extra 10p in the pound on earnings above £250,000, bringing the Exchequer an additional £3.5 million a year.

By all accounts, despite government sources stating that Mr Lewis was wandering off reservation, if not actually talking complete rubbish, he repeated his thoughts in a newspaper, on Sunday (alas I have no link).

Does this dipshit not remember the consequences of the last time a socialist government introduced a super-tax? The wealthy left the country in droves, taking their money and, more importantly, their money making skills elsewhere. And all for what? To “punish” a few wealthy people and show “solidarity” with middle and lower income earners just to raise about two and a half minutes of public spending?

Government types may try and dismiss his words and make comments like:

“If he can't concentrate on his day job, he'll soon find himself without one.”

But the mere fact that an idiot of this calibre is a minister of the crown speaks volumes about the general level of competence in Mr Brown’s government.

LAWYER ENRICHMENT SCHEMES

2008-08-20T16:51:00.000Z

Maybe because it’s the season when folk of a loyal disposition are supposed to don grim faces and bowler hats before going and banging big drums at their Romish neighbours, I find my thoughts turning to the Emerald Isle. More particularly, my thoughts turn to the eponymous inquiry chaired by my Learned Lord Saville of Fixit.

Right from the start it was clear that this was, at least partly, a political endeavour, part of the price to keep the republican movement engaged in the Northern Ireland peace process. Also, at that time, ie before Blair came to realise it was the only state agency upon which he could rely, sticking one to the Army, especially the Parachute Regiment, pushed all sorts of Pavlovian buttons in the socialist mind. Still, the discussion as to the relative merits and demerits of the Bloody Sunday Inquiry we shall leave for another time. What irks me today is the inordinate amount of time the whole thing seems to be taking.

It was back in 1998 that Swiss Tony made one of his rare appearances in parliament to announce he had commissioned Lord Saville to chair the new investigation into the events that occurred in Londonderry in 1972. Two years later the inquiry held its first public hearings. Four years and 160 million quid* further down the track, the judges finally retired to consider their findings. And there things seem to have stopped. Another four years and 20 million more sovs later we still don’t know what Lord Saville and his chums have deduced from all the testimony so expensively gathered.

I know this was one of the most comprehensive and complex inquiries ever held in the UK and there is a shedload of evidence to consider, but it boils down to one simple question: Did the men of the X Company, Battalion, The Parachute Regiment open fire in the genuine belief they were being shot at, or did they run amok? Does it seriously take four years to work this out?

Being a suspicious soul (and occasional tinfoil hatter) I can’t help wondering whether the real reason for the delay is because his Learned Lordship has already drawn his conclusions but they are not those designed to please certain parties. If that’s the case, one has to wonder whether publication (and the subsequent outcry) is being delayed, perhaps until a Conservative government can take the rap. Think about it: If Saint Tony’s great achievement** falls apart thanks to the Saville inquiry coming up with the “wrong” answer, wouldn’t it be better (from the perspective of the socialists) for it to happen on the Tories’ watch?

Alternatively it could just be the case of people living large on a gravy train they have little interest in bringing into the station. Members of the legal profession did/do have an inordinate degree of influence in the NuLabour movement, after all.

Feel free to give your own thoughts an airing in the usual place.

*That’s the amount for which the government is willing to put up its hand; other estimates put the total cost at nearer 400 million.
**Well, he claims the Good Friday Accord was all down to him.

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO WILL BE THE NEXT PM

2008-08-20T16:48:00.000Z

FORGET YOUGOV AND MORI AND GO TO POLITICALBETTING INSTEAD

What Mr Fawkes and other politically astute residents of Blogistan have known for a while, the MSM have finally discovered: Rather than simply asking people for their opinions, a better indicator is created when people are asked to risk their own money on the outcome. The theory behind this is that people are less prone to emotion and peer pressure and become more objective in their choices when they have something to loose.

Of course individuals still rarely get the answer 100% correct, few humans possess God-like infallibility after all. But, providing one has a sufficiently large sample population, taking their opinions collectively can be a very accurate way of predicting the future.

The Telegraph article is full of worthy scientific types explaining this in terms of group psychology and so on, but put simply, the answer is what wingnuts have always said: “The market is usually right”.

Now if we could just get the socialists to understand this, the world would become a much happier place.

GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT SCOTTY

2008-08-20T16:39:00.002Z

Apparently some very clever bods are saying that Star Trek warp drives are not just fantasy but a scientific possibility. Well, hip hoorah, I say, and wish every power to their elbows. Hopefully their discovery will not only prove of great benefit to mankind but also be particularly annoying to bunny huggers and tofu eaters.

But this does beg a couple of questions:

From where will the dilithium crystals come and how will they be mined? Can unobtainium be used as a substitute?

And most importantly:

Will I be able to corner the market before Mr Worstall drops his plans to become the global scandium king and turns his attention to the fuel of the future?

BACK IN BUSINESS - MAYBE

2008-08-20T16:20:00.004Z

Woohoo! After days of being buggered around, things look as though they might just be on the mend. I shan't bore you with the gory details but suffice to say that just about everything that could go wrong, did. All in the space of about two weeks. While Mr Spark was off doing his "ploughing the fields and scattering" thing to boot.

From ISP problems (many shirty phone callsand threats to take my business elsewhere) to Telkom problems (they decided to upgrade the local ADSL servers without telling anyone, leaving the entire town at the interweb equivalent of crawling. To say that I have been a might frustrated would be putting it mildly.

Anyway, without wishing to tempt this good fortune too much, let us celebrate this return of apparently normal service and continue.

First, as we have been missing them terribly here is a veritable panoply of pert posteriors:

YET MORE INTRUSIVENESS FROM HMG

2008-08-13T19:44:00.001Z

Controversial Government powers to access millions of people's private phone records are set to be extended to email accounts and website records, ministers have said. Once again wasn’t this legislation brought in on the promise that it would only be used in “major cases” involving “serious organised crime and terrorism”? In other words only SOCA and MI5 would be able to access this private information, presumably after proving that they had just cause. Well, now HMG wants to extend those powers to local councils, quangos and God alone knows how many others. Now I happen to believe that everyone in society has a part to play in the fight against both crime and terrorism. But that belief does not extend to granting every Tom, Dick and Nosey Parker the right to rifle through my e-mail accounts and phone records. It’s not even as though I think I have anything to hide. I hate the phone and e-mails and hence avoid using them as much as possible. As for my interweb surfing habits; they are pretty much limited to soft core porn, online news sites and blogs with the occasional diversion to Wikipedia if I get bored. But I still don’t want some Pecksnitt from the council trawling through that in detail simply because it’s none of his business. I know all governments are guilty of this, but the current mob is making an art form out of introducing the most intrusive and pernicious legislation on the pretence that it is to combat “something serious” only to authorise all and sundry to use those powers for the most minor and inconsequential of matters. The sooner these illiberal schysters are forced from office and held to account, preferably by having Mr Blowtorch held to their testicles, the better for all concerned.

WELL THAT’S FUCKED THE POOR BUGGERS

2008-08-13T19:41:00.001Z

Robert Mugabe's Zanu-PF party claims to have signed a power-sharing deal with a dissident faction of the opposition Movement for Democratic Change [MDC] to create a new government in Zimbabwe.

If this turns out to be true then it shows that Tsvangirai is not half the politician his supporters make him out to be.

The split in the MDC came at the last presidential election before this year’s farce. Ostensibly it came about thanks to a dispute between party leader, Tsvangirai, and his deputy, Arthur Mutambara, as to whether the party should contest the election. Tsvangirai said no and Mutambara said yes. Of course, as in all African politics one should always examine the ostensible reasons for something happening and then try and deduce the real ones. In this case, there was a strong suspicion that Mutambara was tired of playing second fiddle and wanted a shot at the lucrative top post himself. This suspicion was underlined when, in the run up to this year’s elections, which both factions had decided to contest, there was no reunification.

Naturally the split in the opposition led to MDC(1) candidates standing against MDC(2) hopefuls, sometimes splitting the vote and allowing ZANU to win constituencies. In the first round of the presidential race Mutambara’s faction supported Simba Makoni potentially depriving Tsvangirai of 11% of the vote. If even a fraction of the Makoni voters been available to a unified MDC this would have been sufficient to preclude any second round of voting.

Subsequent to the first round, Tsvangirai and Mutambara finally made up, probably because Mutambara wanted to join the winning side, but now it appears that Artie has decided he’s better off in Bob’s camp.

Of course Mugabe and his ZANU fuck knuckles could be lying, hoping to split the opposition again, but equally, given the opportunistic nature of many African politicians it could be true. Then again if it is true, Mutambara hasn’t just demonstrated his self-centred side; he’s also revealed himself as a fuckwit of note. From Canaan Banana to Joshua Nkomo, everyone who has ever gone into coalition with Bob as the weaker partner has come off badly.

Still, whatever the truth, once again it looks like the people of Zimbabwe have been betrayed by their politicians.

THINGS YOU DON’T SEE IN KEINKUDOESKOP

2008-08-13T19:38:00.001Z

Two office workers were suspended after they spent 20 minutes having sex at a partly-frosted window, unaware that a crowd had gathered to watch below.

The naked pair could not hear the cheering from the group of dozens of passing workers, taxi drivers, and at least two police community support officers, but continued undeterred*.

Sadly, but only after after watching for twenty minutes, one of the PCSOs decided enough was enough and informed the pair’s manager bringing the impromptu sex show to an end.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have a problem with people providing free entertainment to the masses in this way, but it turns out that the couple were employed by a consulting company working for Oldham Borough Council. In other words their attempts to bring the sights (if not the sounds) of Amsterdam’s red light district to Lancashire was being subsidised by the taxpaying burghers of the Duchy, which does raise some questions. One in particular:

If Unity Partnership’s employees have the time to indulge in public displays of lust and lasciviousness, it implies they do not have enough to keep them more productively employed. And if this is the case, might not the need for the contract between Oldham Council and Unity Partnership be worth reviewing?

Just a thought.

*btw. Shouldn’t the last part of that sentence read “… and continued undeterred.”. Perhaps the Telegraph’s subs were so inspired by this story they adjourned to the stationary cupboard (just to verify if such things were actually possible, you understand).

WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS MAN’S JOB DESCRIPTION?

2008-08-13T17:15:00.002Z

Britain's 'snooping' watchdog has called on councils to spy on people's phone records more often.

One would think that the prime task of an Interception of Communications Commissioner would be to monitor the state’s intrusions into people’s private communications and to use his powers to limit that snooping to the absolute minimum. Indeed, I imagine that this was precisely the assurance the public was given when the position was created.

So how in the name of all that is sacred can the bastard stand up and say: “Councils need to use their powers more”.

This at a time when it is revealed local authorities are using powers originally intended to combat major crime and terrorism to fight such menaces to society as fly tipping, pavement fouling dogs and the nation’s Trotter Bothers.

From where I sit it is abundantly clear Sir Paul Kennedy has forgotten exactly who it is he is paid to serve and protect. In fact it’s pretty clear he’s not fit for purpose and should be replaced with someone more likely to suggest curbing the state’s abuse of its intrusive powers.

WHY IS THIS NEWS?

2008-08-13T17:13:00.000Z

Lee Clegg returns to the frontline.

For those who may not remember, Corporal Lee Clegg was a paratrooper who was convicted of killing two teenage joyriders as they drove a car through the roadblock in Belfast back in 1990. At the time there were certainly suspicions that his conviction had more to do with politics and pr than truth and justice; these suspicions were born out when his conviction was overturned on appeal in 1998. Now it is reported that Sergeant Clegg is serving in Afghanistan as a combat medic; apparently with distinction.

But why is it news? Isn’t this how things are supposed to work? As far as possible after an injustice has been revealed and overturned the victim should be allowed to get on with his life. Lee Clegg was a career soldier and obviously wished to continue that career. Which is what he’s doing.

About the only thing I can see that is newsworthy is the fact that for once the pc and pr obsessed authorities are applying the rules fairly even in a case which obviously stirs emotions and, I would imagine, hardly wins sympathy with those in power.

CLIMATE CHANGE SKULDUGGERY EXPLAINED

2008-08-13T17:12:00.000Z

Via The Englishman our attention is drawn to a post by His Grace, Bishop Hill, which explains the machinations and manoeuvrings behind the infamous climate change hockeystick graph.

Put imply it explains how the authors of the original research connived and dissembled in order to hide the raw data from which they claim their hockey stick graph was derived from the eyes of reviewers and other scientists – a clear breach of basic scientific protocols which, in the normal run of events would have any piece of work rejected as potentially fraudulent.

It’s a bit lengthy and needs some concentration, but I would recommend reading His Grace’s efforts to anyone interested in truthful reporting of scientific advances, whether they adhere to the climate change philosophy or not.

HELLO AGAIN

2008-08-13T17:05:00.003Z

Once again we venture forth in the hope that the Gods of Blogistan and the Interweb look upon their humble suplicant with favour and allow him to amuse and delight his fellows with pictures of beautiful behinds.

And they do!

Huzzah and other exclamations of joy and celebration!

I shall definately be a good boy and say my prayers extra hard this evening; remembering, of course, to include a special one for the continued good fortune of the young lady to our right.

Anyway, having succeeded thus far - on with the show.

GOLLY GOSH!

2008-08-11T17:50:00.000Z

Many young people would be better off not doing a degree, the universities secretary has admitted.

I know I, along with any others, have been saying this for ages, but for a NuLabRat to say so in public and thereby undermine one of his party’s central policy positions is astonishing.

"There are certainly young people who currently go to university who would have been better off on an Advanced Apprenticeship".

Now Advanced Apprenticeship sounds a bit like some other NuLab clusterfuck, so personally I’d just stick to ordinary apprenticeship, but still, one really shouldn’t criticise too much; there is more joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth and all that. I do have to correct Mr Denham about one sentence however:

"We have been in danger of making it sound as if university is the only real aspiration."

I think rather than being in danger of making it sound as if university is the only real option, Mr Denham’s colleagues have been guilty of this particular form of snobbery since 1997.

IS AN ELECTION ON THE CARDS?

2008-08-11T17:47:00.001Z

I’ve always wondered whether Gordon might not try and end the civil war in the Labour Party by calling a snap general election. The news that he is considering plans to splash the cash on a £150 ~~bribe~~ handout to help pay for rising energy bills this winter just makes this suspicion even stronger. Remember the £200 ~~bribe~~ handout to the elderly for the same purpose just before the last election?

Not that I think that it will do him any good this time around, but given the guy’s form, one has to think about it.

BRITAIN’S MPS TRULY ARE AS THICK AS PIG SHIT

2008-08-11T17:46:00.000Z

Britain should have Bill of Rights, say MPs.

If the stupid sods actually paid more attention to British constitutional history than their expense claims perhaps they’d realise that: a) Both England and Scotland have had Bills of Rights since the end of the Seventeenth Century; and b) neither has been safe from the tyranny of the majority whenever it has served someone’s purpose.

Before waffling on about “international human rights”, and rights “to asylum”, “a healthy and sustainable environment” and other ideas from a pc wankfest, perhaps the numpties of the Joint Committee on Human Rights should concentrate on restoring those rights already stolen from freeborn English- and Scotsmen by parliament. Little things like habeus corpus, the right to a trial by a jury and freedom from unwarranted and random searches and seizures*; nothing important like giving every Tom, Dick and Ahmed the right to take up residence in the country.

*I won’t even mention the right to bear arms for self-defence.

SHOCK HORROR YAWN

2008-08-11T17:44:00.000Z

Controversial single, “I Kissed A Girl” hits top spot, the headline screams.

The controversial song, which describes a girl who kisses another woman while drunk on a night out, has sparked debate and divided opinion.

All I can ask is: Why?

Lipstick lesbians are the in thing at the moment. Cindy Crawford camped it up with some famous lesbian for Maxim, Madonna made yet another comeback at the MTV awards by snogging Britney and Christina and about the only talent Russian girl duo, Tatu, can claim is that they sometimes hint (rather graphically) that they are also part of the Sapphic Sisterhood.

Quite frankly, unless Katy Perry is going to demonstrate that this is not just more marketing bulldust by releasing a full-length, triple-X rated DVD, who gives a damn? It’s just a bloody pop song by some teenie pop tart who’ll be forgotten within a fortnight.

And in other music industry news, Silvio Berlusconi is apparently putting his pop career on hold. His agent was unable to confirm whether this was because he refused to perform in a homoerotic video with Nicholas Sarkozy.

ZIMBOBWE

2008-08-11T16:55:00.002Z

Quite frankly I don’t think anybody knows what’s going on up there anymore, not even the chief protagonists. Everyday the newspaper headlines seem to announce the complete opposite of what they announced the day before. First there are no negotiations, then the negotiations are taking place, then a deal’s been struck, then hopes for a peaceful transition of power are faltering. Meanwhile the ordinary Zimbabweans try and deal with the mounting economic crisis.

A colleague spent the past weekend doing his monthly ration run up to family still trapped in Zim. He says that while things are peaceful, the economic situation is crazy. It takes 500 billion Zim dollars to buy a loaf of bread and the currency now contains so many ohs, adding up a grocery bill* is beyond the capacity of cash registers and even computers. To solve this problem and to quell fears that Zimbabwe was trying to corner the world market in zeroes, the central bank has now “devalued” the currency by the simple expedient of chopping ten noughts off the end of every denomination.

Actually everyone who can operates with foreign currency, but such is the fear of the police and CIO, they only do so in private. Public transactions are still conducted in Zim dollars, but people only change the bare minimum they need; any change left at the end of the day is rendered worthless overnight.

Meantime, the fat cats sit in the lap of luxury in the ~~Salisbury~~ Harare Sheraton, fiddling while the country they profess to love cumbles away around them.

*If people are lucky enough to find stuff to buy, that is.